MUSINGS and other writing by Mark Kolke

December 31, 2008

"We know nothing about someone else unless they elect to open up. Our greater challenge is to know the stranger in ourselves, the one hidden from view, beneath the layers we’ve created – to change from living only on the surface. When we dwell only on what we show the world, then we risk knowing nothing at all about our real drivers because our inner self is left hiding-out, obscured from view by the most important of our dear friends – self." - Mark Kolke

December 30, 2008

"Adjusting my point of view, my angle of seeing things - that’s not so easy. Negotiating for my eyes and my brain to look back at me from some new angle, to see others and events as they see me, that’s time for pause.  Adjustment sounds so minor, like fixing a squeaky chair or rusty gate.  Adjustment is like moving just one spot on the leopard.  It shouldn’t be so tough, should it?" - Mark Kolke

December 29, 2008

"Don’t have a feeling if you are not prepared to do something with it.  Otherwise, what is the point?  Don’t read if you are not prepared to react." - Mark Kolke

December 28, 2008

"Mankind has learned to make war very well, but we need to make peace before it can be kept, if we have a future on this planet worth having. Most of us have little to say, can do little – are relatively helpless to change it. But, if we don’t, who will?" - Mark Kolke

December 27, 2008

"Whether we like it or not, life is a fast lane; no shoulder for us to pull over, we have to go with the traffic or get completely off the road.  Academia, professions, relationships – they all have this in common – which leads to the fear that if we take some time ‘off the road’ that we may not ever get back on the road let alone catch up.  Why, you might ask, should there be a road or the concept of speed?" - Mark Kolke

December 26, 2008

"Like a potter’s bad pieces set alongside the good stuff, we write inspired pieces that stand among ordinary ones, often hard to tell good from bad from mediocre; extraordinary happens when meaningful meets beautiful with timbre and pitch to rival great phrases." - Mark Kolke

December 25, 2008

"THIS, time and place is who we are and what we are meant to be doing – otherwise we would be somebody else, somewhere else doing something else.  This is a day for knowing there is nothing worth longing for beyond who and where we are, who we are connected to, who we are with, what we are doing where we are doing it." - Mark Kolke

December 24, 2008

"We pretend words are feelings; they are descriptions of feelings filled with enough plaster and paint to portray the picture we want to be seen, often obscuring a large portion of the feelings.  If I write words about beauty or truth or feelings or an idea they cannot match the touch of her hand on my scalp or the smile at the corner of her eyes – no rhyme can equal an afternoon of her time." - Mark Kolke

December 23, 2008

"Seeing opportunity for what it is – a magical brain exercise – is far simpler than taking that opportunity and doing something productive with it, but just thinking about opportunities is some of the best brain candy because distractions fail to cloud my view." - Mark Kolke

December 22, 2008

"Opportunity, not a knock or ring tone - no email, snail mail, signaled arrival or envelope to open - sweet juicy morsel - is it real, is it worth it, can I win?  Issues we face in life, business and citizenship are not always black and white.  They are gray, often black and white at the same time – sometimes too fuzzy to be sure." - Mark Kolke

December 21, 2008

"Outside, a wrinkly twisted apple tree catches my gaze; no leaves, no apples, stands in the chill – aching for someone to watch it; maybe I’ll disconnect a bit, turn off modern, drift back in time, to spend time just sitting, just watching – maybe watching a tree without an apple, or just a leaf." - Mark Kolke

December 20, 2008

"When things don’t work, it is not the same as failure.  It just means they haven’t worked yet and I am perfecting all the ones that won’t work.  Maybe it comes with this stage of life when hair growing out of the middle of my ears is thicker and longer than any on top of my head . . Maybe I am normal." - Mark Kolke

December 19, 2008

"My movie, my main feature, title role is ‘my life, by me’; nobody else could play this part, no one else could direct the actors, no one else could write the lines; new seeds sprout growth on ordinary days, some precious few more pivotal than the rest; this is one of those, I can just feel it – plans, goals, wishes, tasks – melding into new action steps, my own little happy-dance started, just a dream, eventually actions, otherwise was simply foolish notion." - Mark Kolke

December 18, 2008

"Describing what I am doing and why I do it is a self serving notion I suppose – to capture in a couple of phrases the forces that drive me, to put dimension around the target I shoot at. Several issues and processes now ‘connect the dots’ though there was no formalized master plan to make is so, but now the last several years of developing some things that appear at first-blush to be unconnected fit together like a jig-saw puzzle one must assemble without the picture on the box." - Mark Kolke

December 17, 2008

"Sculpting my picture, shaping and shading it, depth, valleys of perspective, hills of mood, voice and tone, shadows, hues, and blues - not the present, not some past - I know the steps, have the music – rhythm comes despite tone-deaf ears." - Mark Kolke

December 16, 2008

"Lives change little in the short term, issues morph but not much. I I had to wait yesterday – short waits, long waits – by mid-day I thought I should become a waiter; it didn’t seem to matter, the office, the bank, the store . . waiting, waiting, no room for waiting in a waiting room, wait time is waste time – the world seems to be built around it, as if there is time to spare, time to use, time that will always be available; not procrastination but short-sightedness, too much weight on things that matter little, too much time spent waiting, not enough invested in doing." - Mark Kolke

December 15, 2008

"Lives we lead, the ones we ultimately lose, are reflection of how much we let ourselves be free to let life happen to us, and how we let ourselves be free to give our experience to the world. This is my belief – that our lives are worth something. Oddly, when we can stand by a tree, watch a butterfly flap its wings sit at the foot of a mountain, the tree the butterfly and the mountain know where they are – they are not lost, so why should we feel lost?" - Mark Kolke

December 14, 2008

"The unanswered question - in every event, to find the message to take away, but sometimes that message is the simple discovery of a false illusion now revealed so it can be discarded – another false possibility eliminated. The truth remains missing in action, but I must be getting closer. I don’t know the answer – the question is tough enough - to state the question is toughest of all." - Mark Kolke

December 13, 2008

"The unexpected, I marvel – when chance meeting connects with ‘hmmmm’ idea, melded and welded into the mix. Idea meets stream of consciousness in a head-on collision, a series of steps to climb is scary/exciting – then words come out of the void; what to make of it is unclear, but I am anxious to find out." - Mark Kolke

December 12, 2008

"I look along the curving staircase, as far as middle-aged eyes reach, knowing steps just a few feet above me have not been constructed yet, and all I can think of are Mario Andretti’s words “if everything seems under control, you’re just not going fast enough’. To climb faster, I need to put stairs beneath my feet, or maybe just learn to climb without stairs." - Mark Kolke

December 11, 2008

"The frontier is opportunity revealed by an open mind; meeting new people and new challenges is the scenery along the way; everything I want or wish for is affected by my efforts, everything I want to change is completely and solely within my control; I may never  master the universe but I can be master of myself, or so I think that I think . . . ." - Mark Kolke

December 10, 2008

"Health, our primary liberty: with it we are wise, invincible, wealthy beyond imagination – but without it we can only hope to manage the pace of life’s decline – so I’m feeling cranky this morning after an evening at the emergency room (they must have a sense of ha+ha) where the sign over the door says URGENT CARE where, once inside, there is a fine facility with a professional air about it with nothing urgent in view or heard there, while care is something one waits and waits and waits a very long time." - Mark Kolke

December 9, 2008

"I found my mind straying from the road - wandering between what might have been and what never was. Daydreaming, wandering the recesses of the mind – time to shut an eye, to look forward – see what others do not see, invisible hand writing future tales, shaping itself into wrinkled brows." - Mark Kolke

December 8, 2008

"The other day someone used the phrase ‘when the dust settles’ as if there would be a time soon when we could all calmly assess what has gone on and make some reasoned judgment of it – but sadly, those days are long gone. Everything we do is guess-work based on someone’s opinion of what the smart move might be. Gone are the days when people formed their own opinions of what to do and why to do it." - Mark Kolke

December 7, 2008

"If we all survive, I advocate a return to thinking for ourselves, rather than leaving it to a blend of financial advisors, talking heads, newspapers and following the mood of those who trade on sentiment . . so check back with me when the dust settles." - Mark Kolke

December 6, 2008

"The measure of us is not how we withstand life’s pleasures – or if we could stand it at all should we get all that we wish for – but how we deal with the near miss, the almost made it, the ‘just about’ but not quite. How we deal with those tests us, measures us, reflects us and shows how we are, who we are and why we are." - Mark Kolke

December 5, 2008

"Everything - a table, a bowl of fruit, a mountain or a point of view - is what it is. There is no changing it, it just is itself – the differences we all perceive have to do with our vantage point, our distance from what we are viewing and our ability to interpret what we think it is that we see." - Mark Kolke

December 4, 2008

"As water slowly reshapes rock, taking new directions is not a rush and hurry activity but rather one of slowly eroding old barriers, quietly building new structures, of getting used to things we never expected and welcoming them like we welcome an old friend coming through the door – with a smile, with outstretched arms to embrace the new opportunity that just arrived." - Mark Kolke

December 3, 2008

"Some recent adventures, both in writing and in business, have reminded me how much chance and experimentation factor into my thinking and the success of anything that seems to work well – and that my stream of consciousness is not the same as randomness; if I have a purpose or a calling, more and more, it feels like teaching others how to learn as I have learned has a more thoughtful purpose than I ever imagined." - Mark Kolke

December 2, 2008

"I think I foster relationships with people who intrigue me, interest me, and help me to grow – just as I hope they are truly reciprocal in that the other party derives some similar benefit." - Mark Kolke

December 1, 2008

"We see people in action – or we read their prose, but we don’t know them. They don’t stop to give us a clinical analysis of their words or their work (nor do we give to them), to hint at true meanings of anything. We are left to our own interpretations - clearly some feel unwanted, some feel fulfilled, others are at the top of their game – every last one is somewhere in their head, beginning their day, mapping their week or working out a problem, but which, how can I tell?" - Mark Kolke

November 30, 2008

"It is not that we are all not real, but that our interpretations of one another are often false or distorted versions of someone’s intent. The rationalization is that people are not weird, phony or dishonest, but simply misunderstood; event of giant proportion often leave us unmoved – yet in the same time and space we focus on trivialities, metaphor and symbolism in faint hope of understanding anything, everything or nothing at all." - Mark Kolke

November 29, 2008

"Life is a long trip. We take the path that offers the least resistance – often landing in a rut that seems impossible to get out of, but we can. Life, the whole continuous noisy thing – series of thoughts, they flit in, out again, then back – our cupcakes and cups running over. My writing desk and in-basket are full, my plate loaded, by noon I’ll be mad, by evening I’ll be sane again." - Mark Kolke

November 28, 2008

"Imagination, ubiquitously  universally common to all – but what we imagine is anything but common. Beyond ‘what we wish for’, imagination is dreaming in the daytime, it is exploring both the ‘what if?’ of life including ‘never been tried before’ wonderment." - Mark Kolke

November 27, 2008

"Often described as childlike, clearly no child’s imagination is thought of by a child as childlike. Some children might find it their view of ‘grown-up thinking’. To call imagination of an adult child-like is to dismiss it as juvenile, immature and not worthy. On the contrary, I think it is a sign of wholeness, a sign of open appreciation of all things that are possible." - Mark Kolke

November 26, 2008

"Odds stacked against us, no doubt, denial of obstacles is sometimes the only way to keep an eye on the prize, reminding us to never quit, to never ever give up.  I look at other dreams/plans/hopes/desires in my life and suddenly the notion of getting another one does not seem so remote, as in so many goals we pursue." - Mark Kolke

November 25, 2008

"From wherever we’ve come, wherever we are going, from unmanageable to something else, everybody is on a journey of reconciling our reality with our dreams (or fantasies). Some work to bring their dreams down to where their reality lives while others, with heads in clouds, are working every day to live their dream while tugging at their reality to come along and catch up." - Mark Kolke

November 24, 2008

"We all reach plateaus I suppose, steppes of the landscape on a progressive trek going eventually upward with some occasional ‘valley work’ when turns and dips are least expected. My compass – to do things I love to do - seems hedonistically self-centered, selfish, greedy, self serving and crass, but it is my compass." - Mark Kolke

November 23, 2008

"Writing exploration, starts from nothing, teaching me as I go. Everything I ever need to know is already known, everything I want to know is yet to be unearthed . . I am certain it is buried somewhere like treasure, waiting for me to dig it up. The brain is now in the lead, the body struggling to keep up with a single keystroke gone wild. I can live forever or at least a good long while but I will never learn again what I learn today so I need to wake up." - Mark Kolke

November 22, 2008

"The right to vote is a responsibility to vote, not just a right. I’m not sure a law requiring everyone to vote would be the answer, but it certainly would give rise to lively discussion, which we surely need. Outcome may  be certain, my vote likely won’t affect the course of anything, but I cannot imagine not going out to cast it." - Mark Kolke

November 21, 2008

"Each thanksgiving I try to take a moment to consider what I am most thankful for. Tthis year I have many items and people on my list, but the one that stands proud above the rest is that I am thankful I am an only child. I don’t have to worry about whether or not a brother or sister will show up, share the load or be there for him. He has me, I have him . . and I’m thankful for that." - Mark Kolke

November 20, 2008

"The rise and fall of plot, moving from scene to scene –  uncertainty and mystery generate energy – keep boredom at bay, spark creativity and remind us there is much mystery in every moment – not so much the unseen or the invisible – but the confusion in what we see in front of us." - Mark Kolke

November 19, 2008

"I like weather both for its metaphors and as metaphor itself. We leave imaginary things behind, we carry real ones with us until it is our time to carry nothing and then, then we are free of all things as we move on to nothingness with nothing, our feel for it has shifted." - Mark Kolke

November 18, 2008

"There is a cliché statement ‘be careful what you wish for’ which implies that asking for something on a whim might bring us something we would actually regret once we have it; the converse view, something I’ve been working on, is to be careful, to be deliberate in what I choose to ask for . . then to ask for it and be delighted when it show up; I’ve been more targeted lately in what I am asking for, who I am asking . . and the results have been encouraging me to keep making wishes and to keep asking." - Mark Kolke

November 17, 2008

"There is a cliché statement ‘be careful what you wish for’ which implies that asking for something on a whim might bring us something we would actually regret once we have it; the converse view, something I’ve been working on, is to be careful, to be deliberate in what I choose to ask for . . then to ask for it and be delighted when it show up; I’ve been more targeted lately in what I am asking for, who I am asking . . and the results have been encouraging me to keep making wishes and to keep asking." - Mark Kolke

November 16, 2008

"There is a day that waits for me – it is here now and it won’t wait for me so I must go and catch this wind that takes me somewhere new every day." - Mark Kolke

November 15, 2008

" Whatever our short comings, whatever our past deeds – there comes a time for a reckoning, a time to pay the piper, a time for owning up to our complicit behavior. Atoning, atonement, the ‘making things right’ doesn’t change facts or change the world but when we do it, it changes us." - Mark Kolke

November 14, 2008

"As I look around – on the street, at the gym, in traffic, at the news, in my papers - value and worth are words that interest me, especially when headlines are screaming out about fear and panic. The numbers attached to the value of things seem to be declining but it seems to me that a correction on many fronts was long overdue - maybe a correction is due as we reconcile what real value is with some definitions of what is acceptable in our lives and what is not, what is OK to live with vis-à-vis what is unacceptable." - Mark Kolke

November 13, 2008

"Letting go of expectations seems to me to be the toughest obstacle to overcome. If what we thought was true is now proven false, we need to address what is now proven true while adjusting our vision, our expectations and our plans. Whether our expectations are connected to some number on a page or some dubious measure of quality of life, adjusting our thinking to reality is a lot easier than trying to adjust reality to fit delusions of grandeur." - Mark Kolke

November 12, 2008

"If we go through a day not trying to conquer some fear of something, what have we really done, if we go through life without adjusting an expectation or a dream, what would be interesting about that?." - Mark Kolke

November 11, 2008

"Pain is all around us, loss of something – money, a job, a relationship, health, functioning, capability  – loss of an expectation, on any scale, leaves us with a sense of emptiness on so many levels. Coping is not a strategy, so much as a necessity, but without openness, it is just running on empty." - Mark Kolke

November 10, 2008

"Putting it all together, in our lives, is not like an assembly line where logically – step by step – components are added in precise sequence with minimal effort to enhance the finished product. Assembly is sporadic. It takes time, over time, lacks organization or a master plan – happenstance at best when good luck mixes with mediocre management without a vision of what the future might bring." - Mark Kolke

November 9, 2008

"Fertile soil needs something planted in it. Things that grow need pruning, trimming and nurturing. Weather is for life and life is for growing and, everything deserves celebration." - Mark Kolke

November 8, 2008

"I is not for me to say how you . .or anyone . .ought to live or choose or try or fail to do what I think they ought to do. If I don’t care about people it doesn’t much matter, and for those I do care about, I don’t think I’d be showing them I care very much if I thought I knew better than they do, what is good for them, what is best for them or what is the best way for them to deal with things the way they are in this moment." - Mark Kolke

November 7, 2008

"I don’t need a gas gauge to tell if I’m running on empty – it seems that one is more about feeling than seeing a needle on a dial. For some, life is winding down, for some the months are clicking by and the days are growing short – but for the moment, just a week is drawing to a close. I find that ‘empty tank syndrome’ sometimes, as struggles with issue du jour - a client, an obstacle of some kind to overcome – as I learned the answer was not something new that had to be invented, it was there all along either in my experiences or somewhere else in my cranial mess, I just wasn’t seeing it." - Mark Kolke

November 6, 2008

"Morning arrives before the sun does, breakfast and newspapers tell me it is not as bad as it could be – or should be – that the world is in order (though I know it isn’t) so I can start another day on a positive note. Start thinking, start dreaming, start doing - to go as far as I can go, to stretch as far as I can stretch; not to believe in hope and dreams alone, but to believe my actions have the power to make someone’s world a better place . . .and that is all I have." - Mark Kolke

November 5, 2008

"Grain after grain, time slips through the neck of the hourglass – I’d like to squeeze the pinch point to a slower trickle to catch some more time in my hand." - Mark Kolke

November 4, 2008

"I believe sorting things out, moving forward effectively, is not about fear but about celebration – with the danger hidden, not in failing, but in limiting expectations of how much we can succeed if we only try." - Mark Kolke

November 3, 2008

"When I make changes, what I’ve found is that it is not important that success is produced quickly or at all, or that output increases. What is important, in my view, is that changes produce new energy, develop fresh perspective and deepen understanding." - Mark Kolke

November 2, 2008

"Life is more funny than sad, more good than bad, more ahead than gone, worth more – not less- than we might ever imagine. Laughter does not cure, humor does not mend, giggles do not produce wealth – but find me a solution to the problems of the world that does not have laughter in it and it will be no solution at all." - Mark Kolke

November 1, 2008

"Whatever your view, however gloomy something might first appear, there is a lightness in it somewhere, a happier way to see it some way, a perverse perspective on it somehow that will turn us around a corner of optimism somehow. Feeling good can always be replaced by not feeling quite as good, or feeling worse." - Mark Kolke

October 31, 2008

"Often the result of zooming by the present in the fast lane to somewhere, not pausing to savor the moment; later, rather than sooner, I get the side view, the rear view, the top and bottom view of things past, of moments passed under the retrospect microscope to see what I have done, to recall where I have been, to measure every shortcoming, to recall every missed opportunity, to consider what might have been different but for a few moments of changed direction." - Mark Kolke

October 30, 2008

"My comfort with this easy state of mind place might only be temporary – I’m not sure; maybe I’ll be off tilting at windmills again soon, but more likely I’ll be dismantling the windmill in some new way." - Mark Kolke

October 29, 2008

"Imagination is just that – no barriers, no limits, no boundaries on possible, no fences to block action or direction – it is the coming attraction reel at the movies. Everything I might possibly imagine is real; whether it becomes real for me, that’s another issue completely." - Mark Kolke

October 28, 2008

"Between the time we call now and the time we call then, the margin small. Fine line divides between joy and grief, between right and wrong, between yesterday and tomorrow. So too, the margin between living and dying is small. Not many people touch us that way, when they do you know it will last as long as memory can last. Death has no pace, no speed to it. It happens, it is final, it is kindly cruel when living, even at a snail’s pace, is no longer viable." - Mark Kolke

October 27, 2008

"But everything is cancelled now, no need to schedule, no need to plan – death cancels it out, wipes it out, clears it off . . when all is done, all that is left is the truth. Death does not run around or walk or animate itself, it is simply lifelessness – but how can that be, when someone was so filled with life and joy and angst, their pain or pleasure woven into their every act?" - Mark Kolke

October 26, 2008

"A fireplace is not the only place a fire can burn - fire burning inside us needs no chimney, no match – it’s just a roaring blaze. It may need bellows, a poke and a stir from time to time but a good roaring blaze is a thing of beauty to be appreciated, always." - Mark Kolke

October 25, 2008

"Change for change sake is not much value, but change with purpose and intent with expectations sounds like such a good theory; in reality, change is a mystery and an adventure story rolled into one. Change leaves us scared, scarred, weary and tarred; change leaves us weary and out of breath one moment, breathless the next." - Mark Kolke

October 24, 2008

"In summer we withdraw so much from the bank of life – warm air, sunny skies, play time, outdoor time but when seasons change, it’s payback time because when summer is gone; when it has left - all that is left are the leaves. There will be leaves to blow and leaves to rake, leaves to heap and pile – a veritable harvest of leaves. Summer leaves. First it comes, then it leaves. Summer’s gone, left us." - Mark Kolke

October 23, 2008

"The news is full of doom, dread and fear-mongering statistics and political pats on the head urging us all not to worry – trying to take us to that place where calm overcomes us, trees become distinguishable from the forest, reality separates from the surreal, and stress vanishes in thin air." - Mark Kolke

October 22, 2008

"We’ll all struggle on stubbornly ignoring the impending doom of reality because doom and pain and disaster are further away if we shed light on them to push them back into the shadows. They are always there, but they don’t seem so scary in the sunshine of today." - Mark Kolke

October 21, 2008

"I’m not skeptical about efforts of others to make things better, just prepared for the likelihood of those efforts failing to make something better when it is already past the point of effective repair. I think the worst is still out in front of us, but life’s like that isn’t it? I also think the best is still out in front of us . . life’s like that too!" - Mark Kolke

October 20, 2008

"These are qualities I admire in those little plants because I admire those qualities so much in people; adversity, dire predictions and predictions of demise are not just obstacles – they are often inspiration to push back, to rise up, to fight . . a call to arms in a sense. Whether it is that plant in the driveway or a leaf on the tree – you know the one, the one that will still be there after autumn’s wind and winter’s cold pummel it every way possible . .the one that will still be there when spring comes, hanging on, persevering through every test the world has to give it. Stubborn, that’s it." - Mark Kolke

October 19, 2008

"Tomorrow was supposed to be here . . but when I got up this morning, all I got was today - familiar places, surrounding and people - same old, same old. Each time we look we see the familiar unless we stop to see some element we’ve never seen before. I was there all along. Sometimes it can be a shortcoming or perceived negative we’ve been avoiding, sometimes it can be a facet we’ve never really seen .. though it was there all along." - Mark Kolke

October 18, 2008

"Too often I think people confuse security with confidence – I think they are just words that get together in a sentence once in a while but otherwise I find them very different things. Security is an insulator from fear, uncertainty and doubt – but it is also a barrier that hides us away from risk, reward, drama, vitality and adventure." - Mark Kolke

October 17, 2008

"Coupling of people is something I have experience with, as participant and as observer. The thing called a couple is, in my view, neither required to or likely to be anything like we might expect. Perfectly normal human beings grow up with the prospect of continuing to be perfectly normal human beings, but then something changes. When they hook up with another perfectly normal human being they then form something that is neither perfect or normal (doing it again later on life creates no less of a mystery)." - Mark Kolke

October 16, 2008

"The economy of living in my head is the best bargain around – costs only moments in time that would be wasted anyway, conversation with self is silent – burns no calories, not even a whisper of energy spent when motionless at first waking or nodding off." - Mark Kolke

October 15, 2008

"There is no escape, no way to avoid or deflect, no way to forget, no way to forgive the grand theft of lives, the stolen innocence, ripping apart of hearts and grief magnified beyond all imagining that nobody can imagine their way out of it. The laws of nature must have been defied that day because no natural feeling I know could cause someone to cause that – yet they did. No monuments that will rise can fill the holes that were left." - Mark Kolke

October 14, 2008

"One day, courts and armies will finally decide the fate of evil doers and people will forget. Time will pass, generation upon generation will only read a footnote in a history book to explain why 911 reminds so many of 9/11." - Mark Kolke

October 13, 2008

"Rather than a gift that keeps on giving, the world was given a wound one cannot imagine healing, but it will. One cannot imagine forgiveness emerging, but it will;. One cannot imagine good coming from such bad, but it will." - Mark Kolke

October 12, 2008

"Creating change or resisting change – the push-pull of figuring things out – preoccupies me sometimes. When I look back at where I’ve been, the diversity of paths I’ve tried and taken, the unexpected places they’ve led me I wonder, as each milestone arrives, ‘should I quit, when should I stop?’ and wonder why I do this but it rarely takes long for a reminder to arrive. Friends made, relationships strengthened, some people inspired, some people comforted, some people validated to know they are not the only one walking around with a slightly bent brain – people who connect with me because they too have had an experience or thought much the same – validated to see that joy or pain it writ plain." - Mark Kolke

October 11, 2008

"Events, memories, milestones and actions shape our days – give them dimension and shape, bring them on with anticipation and leave them behind wrapped up in experience and memory unique to the day, the event, the precipitous point of . . something special going on." - Mark Kolke

October 10, 2008

"Today, gate hinge between yesterday and tomorrow, the swinging gate separates here from there, where I am going is never certain, my direction frenetically uncertain, uncompromised, unwavering, unknown." - Mark Kolke

October 9, 2008

"What we give might not last but memory of it does; what we give, we can give to many but we are only one giver; what we give away is not lost but is simply moved around and shared. What we gave or gave up is not baggage to be carried but a burden lifted; what we gave away, passed by or left behind was a moment for remembering. What we get back is sunshine; what we get back is a smile and lightness of being lifted by memories of all the sunny mornings that have gone before." - Mark Kolke

October 8, 2008

"Day is just starting here while it’s half done over there somewhere – elsewhere, night is morphing to tomorrow morning already – any day, every day, there seems to be three days going on at once depending on how fast you spin your globe. Day is a shape, space in the air - for carving, chiseling, sanding and molding with both hands – for making new from old, for building the bridge to next Monday over a weekend stream" - Mark Kolke

October 7, 2008

"I’m not so much a believer in miracles happening all on their own – but a big champion of the notion that intention, attention and coincidence provide us so much going by, some days it seems like I just need to snatch a handful, my personal ‘catch of the day’." - Mark Kolke

October 6, 2008

"A quest for certainty is probably a universal desire – a companion to false hopes and lunacy. What is truly more important by far is an inexorable quest for clarity as we come to grips with nothing being certain, ever. We can prove things without certainty, we can rely on things without some guarantee handed down from some high place . . but, uncertainty - probably the only constant we can count on - is not to be harnessed but to be respected. Knowing that, believing that and owning that is like knowing the difference between having life happen to you – as opposed to you happening to your life." - Mark Kolke

October 5, 2008

"We need to be heard and cared about when we least deserve it, because that is when we need it the most – especially when we see ourselves as small, as so insignificant, yet every day we (meaning the collective we) seek recognition, validation, sympathy, empathy and celebration of who and what we are – from friends, lovers and others, from strangers too." - Mark Kolke

October 4, 2008

"Rounding out ‘purpose of life’ for some of us, certainly for me; for others, goals are just a set of words - they don’t come in a box, don’t sell for cash, don’t measure anything, can’t hold them in my hand –  but they set the framework for an agenda; agenda for life . . or just for today." - Mark Kolke

October 3, 2008

"So often it seems important, in a moment, to tell others what our goals are. Too often I forget to pause a little, to remind myself what separates the beginning from the end, what separates having done something from merely wishing we had." - Mark Kolke

October 2, 2008

"Quiet parts of any day, lulls in the action, time for remembering the subtle separation of goals and wishes from tasks and duties. Obligations, if we have them, are so often misinterpreted as rigid forces rather than enabling parameters." - Mark Kolke

October 1, 2008

"Relief from a pressure point – like easing off the gas, turning down the rhetoric, snapping silence – or maybe it is more like what lancing a boil(I’ve never had one) accomplishes - cutting into a big ugly sore point - to release the pressure, evacuate the problem, bring healing to the wound." - Mark Kolke

September 30, 2008

"Life - the big lab experiment, where our relationships seem like the exam part sometimes, where getting the right answers is part precise skill execution, part imagination and part ‘writing what the teacher wants to hear’, an experiment where feelings are not necessarily hurt but certainly they get bruised. When they do, it signals time to re-evaluate the situation – impossible to move forward or back without changing something in the ingredients or the process." - Mark Kolke

September 29, 2008

"Life doesn’t fit a formula in some book – it is about spills and explosions, of experiments gone wrong and new things discovered. My frustration arises from reconciling some things I must face, some things I’ve done (and not done) that have consequences – solutions seem elusive, objectives less clear, motives deserve re-evaluation. I am hopeful a solution will emerge – some resolution of possibility or impossibility will fall out of it all – I know I am having an experience it appears I am meant to have but, increasingly, it seems less fun than it should be." - Mark Kolke

September 28, 2008

"Fear of success and fear of failure are linked – they are both fears, but how can we tell one type from each other?  Often disguised, they look like fear of staying, fear of leaving, fear of looking too deep, fear of being too shallow, fear of everything or fear of nothing." - Mark Kolke

September 27, 2008

"Communications break down sometimes, not equipment failure but more of an operator issue – not from too much communicating, but from too little – as the silence of not communicating is deafening, the empty noise unbearable to watch and impossible to hear." - Mark Kolke

September 26, 2008

"Every piece, every sentence, every word - begins with something – thought, inspiration, motivation, inclination . . of some kind. That vague idea of something; then, with the passing of a moment, it becomes something else. Inspirational thoughts send us off in energetic directions, negative ones come out flat and lethargic." - Mark Kolke

September 25, 2008

"Whether morning starts with a stubbed toe or the elation of losing a pound overnight does not ensure anything good will happen in the day, only evidence it is starting, you can count on it? The world, for people and for dogs, doesn’t always make sense, so why then should all of our actions have a plausible, logical end defensible explanation?" - Mark Kolke

September 24, 2008

"A place on the road, a spot on the map – the target, the destination – seems like a big deal if you are heading toward it, hugely important goal (well, important to me at least), but as that goal or milestone gets closer it looks more like ‘just a spot’. Another place in time – once reached or passed, it becomes like any other notch on the ruler, just a spot in time or distance from which I am moving forward, moving further away from as I head off to somewhere else, to some other goal." - Mark Kolke

September 23, 2008

"Today’s learning or tomorrow’s epiphany or next week’s invention is about discovery of things already true . . . but we need to discover them, realizing they are true and taking actions to experience them." - Mark Kolke

September 22, 2008

"To try, to hope, to risk pain, to risk failure is no greater risk than to risk pleasure, risk joy, risk success - the reason is not always clear, but what a tragedy it would be to risk nothing at all." - Mark Kolke

September 21, 2008

"Days go by, then weeks, then months too  - but what gets done, what gets really done, is routine mediocrity - while grand gestures, bold moves and ginormous bigness does not seem to rate mention for most of us. Instead, baby steps, barely detectible increments of a layered experience upon nuanced expectation, marching inexorably toward subconscious dreams where imbedded repetition charts the course, goals determine the speed, sprinter-like burst of energy spike ordinary to go off the chart." - Mark Kolke

September 20, 2008

"Being high on life or anything else has a common denominator – an invincibility, a bravado, a bawdy revelry of shameless indulgence but that coin has two sides; the downside of up is down, the opposite of high is low, the converse of living is lifelessness." - Mark Kolke

September19, 2008

"While I am here, I will try – try to make sense of it all, try to do something worth doing, try to help someone worth helping, try to change the day-to-day, alter the month-to-month, transform the year-over-year so they don’t sound like so many ‘play it over and over’ records that never changes, that always seems the same." - Mark Kolke

September 18, 2008

"Top of the world, one extreme, bottom of the heap at the other end – so often, I think emotions push people to one end or the other of the risk/reward continuum, as if being somewhere between those poles is not just as valid, just as real and just as fraught with challenges as any other spot along the way." - Mark Kolke

September 17, 2008

"For my comfortable path friends, you can stay on your comfortable path and if that makes you happy, I’ll try to be happy for you. For my ‘chart a different course friends’, I am here for you, cheering, encouraging, ready to celebrate your every success or to lend both shoulder and ear to console your miss-steps, mistakes and failing ways as you get ready . . . to try again. Finding time is the easy part, trying is the courageous part." - Mark Kolke

September 16, 2008

"Risk is a constant whether or not we are conscious of it – every action or inaction does not change that; my thinking is, if there is risk in every moment of every day, why not do something with my time that takes great big chances with the prospect of a great big exciting experience being attached to it." - Mark Kolke

September 15, 2008

"Our power to alter our own life is small, our power to alter someone else’s seems somehow easier; it is not – that’s just an illusion we afford ourselves to feel good. Every day, the world of opportunity or the  world of routine is there before us. Yesterday, just like today, it is there for us to lend a hand, which we can offer, to push it, adding our weight to the energy that moves it so swiftly ‘round as it hurtles through space; or we can push against it to no avail." - Mark Kolke

September 14, 2008

"Our power to be useful to the world, useful to others and useful to ourselves is not contained in a revamped schedule or a 24-hour clock, not at the nub of each new labor saving device or software program, but to not let our mind atrophy, to refuse to let our perspective shrink into narrow tunnels that shut us off from the real world. I’ve tried not sleeping, which adds 4-5 hours of productivity time, but quality falls after 2 or 3 days of sleep deprivation; perhaps another method would work." - Mark Kolke

September 13, 2008

"I’ve been going off my path lately, not huge, but baby steps – relinquishing permanency, unshackling myself from routine – it is SO hard - because I know time flies by, I don’t want to sit by, simple accepting life as it is but rather to spend making life as it could be." - Mark Kolke

September 12, 2008

"A friendly visit, a mandate for my regular dentist to do a bunch of maintenance things after he removes some teeth – not my precious front ones but rear extractions, cash-ectomy times five, virtually painless. Oh well, I am smiling and not hurting anywhere but my wallet; I left the building; all I could hear as I walked away was that sound, a faint ka-ching, like a cash register ringing in the distance." - Mark Kolke

September 11, 2008

"I’m selfish, I keep things to myself, I live a life in my head known only to me, I am singularly accountable to the judgment of the mirror inside my head, as are you, as is everyone – the difference between that inner image and the outward one is perhaps a measure of sanity or insanity, I’m not sure which." - Mark Kolke

September 10, 2008

"My efforts to simplify seem hung up by my need to complicate, my efforts to streamline seem hung up on my need to be thorough, my efforts toward solvency are hung up on my need/desire to spend, my indebtedness is greatest in terms of my unmet needs, my unfulfilled promises to myself." - Mark Kolke

September 9, 2008

"I am not flat, not empty beneath the surface. I often wonder if we are like ice-cubes and ice-bergs, only 10% showing above the surface, the remainder hidden from view and difficult to see even from an underwater view." - Mark Kolke

September 8, 2008

"For each of us, there are a thousand masters or there is one. There is only one, one self, one me; but we tend – I believe – to see every task as a taskmaster, every chosen duty as one of service or subjugation to others, to friends, to family, to community, to society; on the other hand, a celebration of self, means one master mastering one’s self." - Mark Kolke

September 7, 2008

"Your way is not my way, your way is your way, don’t ask me to be like you or I will be like me trying to be you and that will be neither me or you. Don’t ask me to be anything but me and I won’t ask you to be anyone but you - just you. We’ll get through it all somehow but we’ll do it best being who we are rather than being someone else’s notion of how we ought to be." - Mark Kolke

September 6, 2008

"Changes will happen, those unexpected turns in the road would appear easier to handle if we are taking smaller steps, but really that’s not true. The faster we go, the further we will get in an hour or in any full day whether it is filled with trouble or smoothly lubricated." - Mark Kolke

September 5, 2008

"Whether or not I get to be right, whether or not I get to have it my way, I am this candle that wants to be burned, I am this day that wants to be used, this path that doesn’t exist wants me to wear it down, this magic carpet wants to ride to a pretty place." - Mark Kolke

September 4, 2008

"I love it when people do their jobs - not everyone every day, but when people do their jobs and live up to their commitments, they show up, put up, stand up and perform, then marvelous things happen; I’ve often used a phrase I borrowed from a very smart man who used to ask us, ‘so, what does success look like for you?’  THAT, is what success looks like and, last night, we got to see it up close, personal. One guy had an idea, he led, we followed, a team meshed, that was success. That’s what it looked like to me." - Mark Kolke

September 3, 2008

"Alone, alone is solitary, alone is peace, alone is dark, alone is basking in sunshine, alone is joy, alone is darker than dark, alone is sad, alone is dreary, alone is isolating, alone is castaway without being on an island, alone is how we come in . . . and how we go out." - Mark Kolke

September 2, 2008

"Alone is peaceful contentment or hellish grief, but when we are alone we have no one to tell about it; sadder still, is feeling alone when there are people all around – just ask any member of any dysfunction family you know or are a part of." - Mark Kolke

September 1, 2008

"Knowing ourselves is not something we generally learn well in a crowd; it is not a team activity, it’s solitary homework." - Mark Kolke

August 31, 2008

"Each choice, each task, will not on its own determine the future or be the difference between success or failure – if one can really discern a difference – but each one is critically important to its moment in time, each task to be stroked from the list, one line at a time. The details matter. A thousand things that you have to do once. Once they are done, they are done; they are all import at the moment they need to be decided, but in time, so few of them really are." - Mark Kolke

August 30, 2008

"Like having a 500 piece jigsaw puzzle completed with 1 piece missing. Every piece, however insignificant matters – not because of its own attributes – but because it is part of a whole." - Mark Kolke

August 29, 2008

"We need to be gentle with ourselves – we deserve it of course – but I think we need it too. To be less hard on ourselves, to be less demanding, less exacting especially when day to day life chooses to drain us so thoroughly. My body needs (and gets) plenty of rest and gentleness, my mind deserves no less, and when the grasshopper has chased the butterfly all day and lays down to sleep, that is all he is after." - Mark Kolke

August 28, 2008

"When we put the tongue of inquiry to the lips of mystery we get a taste of what we long for, whether we were waiting all day, all year or a lifetime – or if we were just on hold. Hurry up, don’t wait any longer, there is no time for wasting." - Mark Kolke

August 27, 2008

"Very early rising to work brings me to the brink – of sleepiness but I can’t give in, it’s so early to be drifting off into a sea of uncertainty, maybe I’ll take a nap to see if I can catch the end of that dream; I rarely remember dreams or even portions of them. Last night I dreamt I was a teenager asking my dad for advice on women – I remember there was laughter and suggestion or two I can’t write (I know the real guy would never say those things, but this is my dream, OK!), then the 3AM alarm went off so I missed the ending." - Mark Kolke

August 26, 2008

"It doesn’t seem to matter which lane you are in, as long as legs are moving. In the mainstream, the slipstream, the . . . stream to live in a flow of things, life seems like a line up in the express lane sometimes, all of us in a hurry but not getting anywhere fast even if we switch lanes. As we race to get to, get onto and out in front in a life of on ramps and off-shoots, freeways, expressways, beltways, lovers lanes, turnpikes and parkways there must also be, I suppose, a time to switch lanes, from fast lane to slow lane on everyone’s boulevard of dreams. Just as there is joy being at the end (rather than the front) of a funeral procession or just strolling down memory lane." - Mark Kolke

August 25, 2008

"Results come slowly but I am never content with that, yet I see my expectations of others is no different than their expectation of me – and commitments, however seriously intended, are often delayed or snagged or not scheduled – not because I don’t intend to do them. I do, every time, but so many things compete for our attention to say nothing of our goals and objectives, there just is not enough time." - Mark Kolke

August 24, 2008

"People will always let us down but that only matters for a moment in our own mind, it only matters to us, it only matters – I mean REALLY matters, if we let ourselves down in the process rather than simply observing that someone isn’t perfect, and neither are we." - Mark Kolke

August 23, 2008

"There is a second economy I think – one where the capital is genuineness of spirit, instead of cash-flow there is something, maybe karma-like, that flows between people whether they know each other or not. Growth is the increase in awareness, shrinkage is the darkness of hearts, but lately things are looking very good with an income-ing stream of ideas, connections and new energy where charity is the only worthy investment, and kindness incoming from sources unknown." - Mark Kolke

August 22, 2008

"Now – today - is as good a day as any and far better than most. I feel less mature than I did a year ago, I feel lighter on my feet that I did a year ago, I feel like I’ll live longer than I did a year ago. I know more of myself than I did a year ago, I know less about my future and look forward to it more than I did a year ago, I now am less restricted and constrained than I did a year ago; I believe in letting go of old expectations – all of them – and embracing new ones, I believe I am more creative than I was a year ago, I believe my goals are more realistic (the goals haven’t changed, just my view of them) than I did a year ago. Some things get me up, some get me down, some get me to thinking, some get me to dreaming, but right now - fully conscious I am living life fully - the ultimate death defying act." - Mark Kolke

August 21, 2008

"Wishing for peace, quiet, calm, serenity – the tranquil space of having tranquil space – is the moment of truth is every moment of the entire day. Are we different simply because our skin, faces and location look so different?." - Mark Kolke

August 20, 2008

"How well we live is not a function of health or math or great golf scores or successful ventures. How well we live is a value judgment of our own. Nobody knows the life we lead in our head where purity of thought (or lack of it) lurks in shadows or in sunshine." - Mark Kolke

August 19, 2008

"We really LIVE, I mean live life, not a re-run, but the real first run premiere performance. We’ll have to take a bow when we are done here because nobody does an encore." - Mark Kolke

August 18, 2008

"How well we live is not a function of economics, not about place or position or circumstance; money can buy many things but it cannot buy a spontaneous joyous smile just for being alive." - Mark Kolke

August 17, 2008

"A body has limitations, but the mind knows no bounds. Frustration can arise where none was seen. Compromise is for conversation but not for doing – it seems so many things are easily certain or already decided." - Mark Kolke

August 16, 2008

"Pace change lets the mind wander and wonder when a day in the yard becomes like a week of sitting around thinking - time for pruning ideas and nipping ideas in the bud, for throwing fresh light on avoided subjects and throwing cold water on notions – because what matters most to you is probably far different than what matters most to me." - Mark Kolke

August 15, 2008

"What matters most is less a conundrum than ‘what matters at all?’" - Mark Kolke

August 14, 2008

"Each day unique, like snowflake and fingerprint. There has never been one like this one and never will be again. I have no clue how today will end, but doesn’t it make a difference if I have high expectations of what it will be like and how it will end?" - Mark Kolke

August 13, 2008

"Ideas come and go, bugs on the windshield of my point of view – arriving with a splat but washed aside so quickly. Habit of routine traps us like a steel cage. 24 hours in each day, each one starts asleep so there go a few hours, just gone already, before I get up to think about them." - Mark Kolke

August 12, 2008

"Maybe its just the time of year or time of day but it looks more like a time of life; balancing leisure time with writing with work with business development – the wrestle over which idea will work, which one will fail, which path is the on-ramp to fulfilling future, which one leads off winding narrowly to some dead end?" - Mark Kolke

August 11, 2008

"Some days I think I am on the right path, other days I wonder if I am on any path at all. We all think we are so unique but we are not - we all have choices to make and our bed to make and our time to make life count, to make our piece of difference in the world or to someone. The most important someone is there looking at me from the other side of the mirror." - Mark Kolke

August 10, 2008

"Whatever any of us do, the world will always be a mix of the well and the unwell, happy people and unhappy people, saints and fools, rich and poor, the living and the dead. Morning papers will always have headlines of bad news and sad news while obituaries will mostly remember people who expired long before their ‘best before’ date, the Mourning News." - Mark Kolke

August 9, 2008

"If I eat better and exercise more, will my life be better?  If I focus on dreaming my goal, will I be happy, or do I just need to claim it? I think we need to fear less and hope more, dream less and do more." - Mark Kolke

August 8, 2008

"Other than those who are in fact physically and/or medically paralyzed, none of us need to be paralyzed by fear of living large, doing big, loving enormously, thinking gigantically or accomplishing in gargantuan proportions." - Mark Kolke

August 7, 2008

"If we wait for what life has to give us we will surely be disappointed. Life if for the taking with each of us equipped with a big spoon to fill a dish as large as we want it to be. If, along the way,  many people say your expectations are too high - just ignore them and tell them you have a greater life expectancy than they do. life expectancy is not about longevity but about expectancy." - Mark Kolke

August 6, 2008

"Too tall for sitting or straddling, these fences are vantage points for birds to observe how we live; fencing, the installation of wooden walls between neighbors – not the sport – separates yards from lanes, neighbors from each other. Just tall enough to block the view, but not so tall they cannot be climbed, populate every street. Wait, the way I see it, it is like I have a fence to paint – a big job, daunting in fact, but if I start it like any other large task – one board at a time, one section at a time, then the job will get done in regular installments with daily life sandwiched in between insatiable desire and bedtime." - Mark Kolke

August 5, 2008

"Nobody says it out loud, they don’t have to. Every time I have (or you have) an idea, a whim or a desire to try something the self talk about what anyone might think leaks into the picture. “What will they think?’”, or “how will I handle the questions and/or the ridicule?” are things that are sometimes said out loud. The question, “who will help me?” is one I am loath to ask very often. Rather than bring answers like “I will” it begets questions like “what is it?”, “why do you thing that will work?”, sometimes with heads shaking slightly." - Mark Kolke

August 4, 2008

"Sometimes I find total strangers far more receptive to hearing about an idea or project – listening with interest, offering feedback – sometimes lending support, sometimes not, but I’ve found exceptions to that too - so there seems no clear norm or rule about that. Help and support, in real terms or sometimes just moral support and encouragement lifts me up. I believe that is a somewhat universal truth." - Mark Kolke

August 3, 2008

"Burning desire, not the amorous kind, but the driven focused unwavering kind is at the root of fine accomplishment but so often smoke obscures the fire, it keeps us away and leaves smoldering embers behind to be rekindled with the air of a hot breath, but only if we get close enough to be the bellows that fans it to get it back in flames." - Mark Kolke

August 2, 2008

"What of the thoughts that invade us, they come right in, take up residence in our brain and refuse to leave, what about those thoughts? Does that mean they are right, wrong or just annoying?" - Mark Kolke

August 1, 2008

"Thank you life. Thank you sunshine, thank you rain, thank you parks, thank you gardens, thank you path, thank you road, thank you trees, everyone and every thing - thank you. You lift me up, you set me down again, you push me, you pull me too" - Mark Kolke

July 31, 2008

"So easy to give in, to let those thoughts take over, to spend so much time dwelling on imaginations of what might be feared by following the obvious easy path, leaving so little room for pursuit of the goal." - Mark Kolke

July 30, 2008

"Whether my struggle to eat less or play more or work less to play more or play less to squeeze in a task or a project there seems no end to it – it’s never quitting time." - Mark Kolke

July 29, 2008

"Your collective existence enables, empowers and animates me - nature and spirit can collide to make disaster just as they collide every day to make beauty. Some flowers open while others,   strain and struggle they might, but never ever open. They are destined for some other experience for themselves and everyone affected by them – just like people." - Mark Kolke

July 28, 2008

"Before it was fashionable to talk of ‘just in time’ he taught me by example to ‘always be on time’. He never taught me to ‘not speak of ill of people’. He just taught me by his example that he never did. That was his way; he never told me to work hard, he taught me by example to work hard. He is no elite athlete stretching out a career, no mogul hanging on to power, no bastion of wisdom or reputation that has the world beating a path to his door. He’s just a man, an ordinary man in many ways perhaps, but an extraordinary man living life his way. I’ve never known life without him; he has never been an ‘in your face’ kind of dad – even when he was young and I was in some sort of scrape or bad behavior – not ever, it’s just not his way." - Mark Kolke

July 27, 2008

"Failure, more interesting to examine than successes, confronts me daily. Sometimes failure to do something perfectly, sometimes recognition of having not done something effectively – hence, a lousy result. Yesterday I didn’t miss right, I didn’t miss left, I was close, I was very close, it nearly went in, I nearly hit it perfectly - and the self talk goes on." - Mark Kolke

July 26, 2008

"Golf is a great metaphor for so much in life; golf score, like weight, like ambitions and self-doubt, fluctuates up and down – key indicators are lower numbers, lower handicap factor, lower blood pressure, lower heart rate, lower number of lost balls, fewer pounds all a-blur, exhilarating one minute, devastating the next; in each imperfect try there are elements of getting it right, in each perfect shot there are elements of getting several things wrong which, miraculously, did not impact the result." - Mark Kolke

July 25, 2008

"Weight; not words – but ounces - every day, I punch and wrestle, each round I struggle while aching for the bell to ring, a rest period delays the task, then back into the ring to wring off a few more calories. Weight waits for no man. The struggle that never ends has witnessed me losing the same pound again for the 90^th (it seems) time. As I return to a more disciplined regime of activity, continue sans-caffeine and watch (every bite) what I am eating it seems so perverse that I have moments of resolve to NEVER have to lose that same pound again, the idea being that downward is the only acceptable direction - less eating, more exercise and discipline will wring ounces out of me – while only steps away bagel and muffin tempt me to say ‘one little bite won’t hurt me’, but who stops at one bite?  I never have." - Mark Kolke

July 24, 2008

"Vacillation plays out, off-key, familiar tune without melody. I understand why people dream, but I fail to understand anyone who would not want to dream. I dream of many things, work on many dreams, the results ‘to be determined’." - Mark Kolke

July 23, 2008

"Dream achieved, wealth beyond words, happiness beyond description, I read about it, it was true - it might have been this morning’s paper or maybe it was in last night’s dream - it doesn’t matter, I cannot give up on it. There is no time to sleep because there is so much to dream." - Mark Kolke

July 22, 2008

"What I coach, teach, preach and try to live is this: the more time I spend knowing myself, understanding deeply what is most important for me, knowing where I stand, how I feel, what matters and, most importantly, where my talents are of most value – these things give me a grounding of purpose and practicality that make it clear to me what I should chase, what I should toss aside, guide me to sort out when to pursue, when to run, when to be bold, when to fold." - Mark Kolke

July 21, 2008

"While I think I am less ‘herd’ and more ‘free thinker’, being myself is a challenge, I am probably not unique.  Everywhere, someone is telling me what to do – the answers don’t come any easier to me than anyone else. Sometimes a fat old file can be dispensed with in a blink, or a single page can consume an afternoon – so many decisions, so many tiny choices about what to do today or next week, with this lead, that opportunity or that trigger ‘ah-ah’ moment that comes from reading a note written so long ago." - Mark Kolke

July 20, 2008

"I wonder, as I (we) make minor shifts in position or posture in our relationships if behaving like the rock facing weather has any value – the first wind, the first raindrop – do nothing and, only, after relentless pelting, gradually the rough edges wear down in time worn to a softer look but hard reality does not change." - Mark Kolke

July 19, 2008

"I’ve felt rocks worn smooth over time – easy and harmless to the touch - but if my forehead collides with them they will hurt just as much ones with rough edges. Good reason to pull back, to try not to bang against rock walls of any kind, rough or smooth - head damage either way. There is nothing soft about a rock." - Mark Kolke

July 18, 2008

"Awareness of the consequences of actions – something to predict but not to know, begs balance, needs perspective, but when that might be found I am not quite sure. No expectation of a reprieve from what appeared inevitable, all of us have a chance to move forward when it appeared we might move back, a chance to move back into the light from the dark." - Mark Kolke

July 17, 2008

"Lately I’ve been more at balancing life/work/play – nowhere near some idealized lifestyle – but better than ever I think, spending time doing things that make me more whole because that seems to make me feel better; nothing to add, nothing at all; life is perfection and perfection is life." - Mark Kolke

July 16, 2008

"Every force, it seems, has its counter - every negative its positive, every action its reaction – sometimes hard to tell which came first, the cause, or the effect. Reaction has no antidote. It seems to surface when I least expect it, not by premeditated intent but in reaction to things I struggle to understand. Change of direction, change of mood – it takes about a nano-second to change pace, alter disposition." - Mark Kolke

July 15, 2008

"The futility and uselessness resistance, however concentrated, against an unstoppable force is like a cliff pushing its face into four strong winds hoping there will be no erosion. Getting old is being vibrant or about being relevant or both – it is resistance, with heels dug deep against the flow of time, begging more time, or begging for the return of better times and sweet glories of youth." - Mark Kolke

July 14, 2008

"Giving up, giving in, give it up, give, give in; these words mean so much, sound so much the same but giving up and giving in – these are not the same, never, never, never the same. Give in? . .sometimes. To let it go, to give up? . . never." - Mark Kolke

July 13, 2008

"At every turn there is a message, screaming at me, screaming at you – saying hey you there, silent one, did you get my message? It could be that I called, or that I wrote, or that I thought . . . a thought . . . I thought you would understand. I really sent it out into the cosmos. Did you get it, did you heed it, did you send a reply?  Did you hear love and caring, did you get the drift, grab the trend, heed the call. Did you understand, did you know what I meant, did you see where I was coming from, do you see where I am going – do you know me?" - Mark Kolke

July 12, 2008

"I believe that what we say has no relationship with what we can do. If we believe we can do anything we probably can - if we believe we cannot, we usually don’t even try. Decisions and hesitation are not a ying/yang-like thing, they are polar opposites. Time and place, not factors, but excuses we afford ourselves when faced with indecision and hesitation." - Mark Kolke

July 11, 2008

"Going home is knowing home, and knowing where I am going. Arrivals and departures bookend the trip, they capture a place in time in some other place, a series of experiences and exchanges that allow me to see more clearly – a panorama widened, better lens experience illuminates who I am where I am, where I am going and knowing home is where I am." - Mark Kolke

July 10, 2008

"I find most people who interest me to be complex, like icebergs, a small portion showing above the surface, the major portion beneath the surface. ‘You don’t know me’ is something most of us could say to just about anyone on any day and we would be right – no way to know someone in a short time, no way to know them unless they want to be known and that comes in time, over time, some time . . and some time not at all." - Mark Kolke

July 9, 2008

"Exploring self - ongoing puzzle, part collision, part collage – past passed but not forgotten, present presented, future dreamed (meaning sleep is required), events and places imagined, easy like the puzzle, a thousand pieces, thousands of options, trial and error; eventually to be finished, to be completed – the notion that puzzle pieces only go together one way is false, or is it?" - Mark Kolke

July 8, 2008

"Free spirits thrive anywhere, but when they need to rest, they need a place like this (Whitefish, Montana) – a place both well known and discovered, made prosperous by time passing by and money passing through, it seems to have done it no better or worse than many other places I’ve been but they’ve done it sooner and it has lasted. This is a place for the retired, the nearly retired and the just plain tired. Solitude is a few steps away from anywhere for anyone." - Mark Kolke

July  7, 2008

"Sometimes up seems down, over there looks the same as over here - lack of time to do all the things I want to do becomes an easy but illogical crutch when seeing things clearly is a nice dream obscured by familiar surroundings surrounding us wherever we go, they touch us and we touch them back, just as the people we touch will touch us back in so many ways." - Mark Kolke

July 6, 2008

"Not to say that our environment defines us, but it has so much to do with mood. I often wonder if the vacations we take would be just as therapeutic if we swapped locations and jobs for a few days, not so much out of a need for the rest as for a change of scenery." - Mark Kolke

July 5, 2008

"Headlines scream to help the downtrodden, the unfortunate, the destitute, the oppressed, the victims of life. Not often enough do we seek our hand up from the one at the end of our own arm. No one else, just our own. It would be convenient but wrong to suggest we can all deliver to ourselves the assistance we need to solve our problems, but more often than not we are our own best resource." - Mark Kolke

July  4, 2008

"Canadians are an accident, a country of compromise and unlikely ingredients surely destined to fail from under-populated largesse and impossibilities of management, yet we try. Since 1867 our staying together has been tested many times yet we try, We don’t wave flags much or thump our chests a lot but we try. Most Canadians struggle to define their personal or our collective patriotism in words but we know it in terms of our actions and feelings; sometimes being Canadian is easier to define in terms of what it is not. One other thing - we are not brash, rash or crass – we are true, north, strong and free. We are not loud – just proud." - Mark Kolke

July 3, 2008

"Hard to not think about the things I can’t stop thinking about - I get lost is a mental tug-o-war of dreams to fulfill, compromise struggles with determination not to; my real life and my golf course of life both have grass to trim, bushes to prune, weeds to pull, transplanting and tilling awaiting my labor along with shots to practice, practice, practice." - Mark Kolke

July 2, 2008

"When grass grows (like people) it does not know any boundary, only the cuts of sharp objects trimming it into place, holding it back – but grass wants to grow and wander. My garden of life has trimming, pruning and remedial work to do as well. Today I’ll exercise in real-time though my mind will likely float more toward the garden I want to build." - Mark Kolke

July 1, 2008

"Working in a yard – gardening – to me is a lot like skiing or writing. Each free my mind to go anywhere it wants while my body works away - digging or trimming or chipping or typing seem timeless, I get lost in it ." - Mark Kolke

June 30, 2008

"Urgency and passion drive achievement – sensitivity makes it human but it seems, whatever we do, is made sweeter is someone appreciates it or praises it. Conversely, no matter what we do or how well we do it there is no other way to describe the flip side of it, when someone is limp, weak or reluctant with their comments, simply saying ‘that wasn’t bad’ or ‘really, that wasn’t bad at all." - Mark Kolke

June 29, 2008

"Someone commented to me ‘relocating is hard’ referencing my intention to make a move, to make Maui my home. Relocating half way around the globe is hard - perhaps harder is relocating a few blocks to change logistics, a few miles to change habitat, or a few brain cells over to change a point of view." - Mark Kolke

June 28, 2008

"No way to know it, no way to control it, there is no way to prepare for it, no way to understand it. I’m going to let it keep raining until it is done. I’ll let the sun shine when it is ready. Like life, death and rain - some things are inevitable, most others I can change and for the ones I cannot change. I can always change my view, alter my vantage point. Sometimes that clear vision is rainbow seen through rain, sometimes a much fuzzier view." - Mark Kolke

June 27, 2008

"Shift change is not about taking turns doing a job where I take this shift, you take the next but rather shift, like continental drift, brings change but far too slowly - timing is always optional, shift and change are not." - Mark Kolke

June 26, 2008

"So many springs behind, so many springs ahead for all of us. Right now, just now, this time has come, let it stay, it seems nothing can go wrong. I know that can’t be true, but I want it to be, It never got hot enough for spring fever to take hold of most people - it was early, cool and wet - first one thing, then another thing – so many things in spring, so so many, then the end of spring." - Mark Kolke

June 25, 2008

"Measuring self – to the climber that must be a ‘number of summits’, to the baker his count of loaves, to a miner his tally of tons loaded, to the child his grades in school, to the gunslinger notches on a belt or a bedpost, but what does a mattress maker measure?  He would measure so many springs - in his work and in his life." - Mark Kolke

June 24, 2008

"Spring is momentum – the word alone conjures a bouncing energy released from metal coils – spring begins in winter’s dark days when we ache to see her, ends in June as we are primed for summer, to greet tomorrow’s solstice as entry point to all points beyond." - Mark Kolke

June 23, 2008

"Someone commented to me ‘relocating is hard’ referencing my intention to make a move, to make Maui my principal residence. Relocating half way around the globe is hard - perhaps harder is relocating a few blocks to change logistics, a few miles to change habitat, or a few brain cells over to change a point of view. Upside down or right side up there is no simple way to predict an outcome." - Mark Kolke

June 22, 2008

"I’ve been examining some personal, social and business connections – confirming my need/desire to maintain many, recognizing that some were not what I thought they were and realizing that some - like worn out garments, need to be shed. When it comes to give/take in relationships I am not the sun, I am not the tree, I do not give and take equally, fairly or in direct proportion to anything." - Mark Kolke

June 21, 2008

"Just as children move from stage to stage, keeping some friends, moving on from others – throughout life I think the same holds true. I don’t purge friends or clients or business connections lightly, or simply, because there are ‘too many’ but maybe there are some lacking reasons for continuing because reasons that seemed important in the beginning have changed.

But I wonder, was I wasting my time?  I never thought so." - Mark Kolke

June 20, 2008

"This day has promise – contents unknown, this day has sunshine in it, openings appear, often too small to appear worthy. Imagination the only limitation, I feel change – not day to day – but turning pages, one chapter of my life to the next, when reality collides with dreams - like sandpaper greets silk – abrasively and things are never the same after." - Mark Kolke

June 19, 2008

"I don’t know path or consequences of the rest of my life, but I hope I can see it from here. I think the route requires me to be determined, I think having expectations limits my experience – the outcome to be determined depending on now determined I am." - Mark Kolke

June 18, 2008

"I don’t know if he became the father he wanted to be – I’ve never asked him, but he never did anything to become the only one I ever wanted – he just was, still is. To me, he just was one. I never felt lorded over, bossed around or controlled by him – more the opposite. I never felt afraid of him but there was a line I didn’t want to cross – into the unknown, the fear factor was considerable but looking back I know he didn’t want to be harsh given that my mother’s discipline on its own was plenty for any child." - Mark Kolke

June 17, 2008

"I’ve been addicted for 38 years; I started using when I was 18, I’ve never quit before. The opposite of euphoria is upon me; but its just one thing – I won’t starve or die of thirst, it’s just one thing . . it should be quick and easy. I’ll just stop that; obviously it would be easier to give up something I didn’t like, but how tough can it be?  I didn’t drink much coffee, just one pot, every morning, sometimes a cup later but mostly just that one pot to start my day." - Mark Kolke

June 16, 2008

"Misfortune is not unforeseen, it is reality. While it could be argued some people get more than their fair share, I suspect we all get comparable doses. The difference I think is in how we deal with it. The baseball player knows the percentages but still steps to the plate with great optimism and comes out swinging." - Mark Kolke

June 15, 2008

"The archer does not quit because he/she missed the bulls eye. They load another arrow, aim more carefully taking into account changes in how the wind is blowing, then take another shot." - Mark Kolke

June 14, 2008

"The insect who fell off a wall or the imprisoned activist do not quit, they keep on climbing, keep on fighting – because that is their struggle." - Mark Kolke

June 13, 2008

"We have many purposes - instincts for survival often collide with obstacles in our way leaving us choices of struggling on, struggling again or struggling somewhere else but we don’t get to ‘not struggle’ . . . that sad luxury is for when we are dead." - Mark Kolke

June 12, 2008

"Don’t have a good day when having your best day ever is an available option. Say good morning to someone and say ‘lets do our best work ever today’ or greet someone we meet for the first time with ‘lets have the best time we ever had tonight’ or someone who needs a tug or a hug with ‘lets have the best conversation ever, right now’, The choice to not get it right but to get it best, is here in front of me right now." - Mark Kolke

June 11, 2008

"Today is another opportunity for those who missed theirs yesterday – each day filled with whatever we want. Asking for it, asking for help with it, asking for more than our share, asking for ‘it all’ is our right and responsibility to ourselves and to those who depend on us for support in any of its many forms – to squeeze every lemon dry in search of sweet results; actors all, life as improv theatre is really ‘improve theatre’." - Mark Kolke

June 10, 2008

"They have their separate time - sad and happy don’t clasp like hands, they meet like rain and sun. Hard to make heads or tails of - opposites they are not – more like different images on sides of a coin where I see one or the other but not usually on the same day, never at the same time." - Mark Kolke

June 9, 2008

"I believe we get what we negotiate, we get what we enable, no right to complain unless we’ve fought hard for what we believe, work hard for what we want, painted our dreams on tall canvases. If we’ve done that and laid our wholeness out on the ground for the crows to peck away, spent ourselves fully in living without reservation, without constraint, without limitation on our expectations then we have no room or place for complaint and, I hope, I will not have reason for any." - Mark Kolke

June 8, 2008

"I won’t play a perfect game, a really good game or get one perfect shot. No one will be watching, no one will care, it will not matter. The world will not change. I go because I love the atmosphere of golf, the impossibilities and permutations of it let the brain spend thoughts on so many combos of things it lets the other part of the brain that worries about issues, juggles issues, solves problems and strategize solutions to keep its equilibrium, it gets to take the day off." - Mark Kolke

June 7, 2008

"Seeking to discover something - scientist in the lab or me doing the most mundane chore - the accident of discovery cannot happen unless first of all there is something going on. Accidental discovery is not likely to happen if we are not looking for something – we’ll just miss it." - Mark Kolke

June 6, 2008

"Someone is entitled to feel great, feel honored, feel respected, feel connected. Someone deserves a fresh look, a second change. Everything in life is not Everest, but most everything is a climb of some kind." - Mark Kolke

June 5, 2008

"My dream will be mine alone. I can share it but not impose it, teach it but not clone it - different dreamers, different dreams. I may be late arriving. I don’t know my route for sure. I know where I am going. I believe I know how to get there." - Mark Kolke

June 4, 2008

‘Like a bulging stream, some things spill all over the place, some stop at some dam point; delaying so easily excused or obscured by a peppering of things on the go which play on my mind, consume time, dissipate energy, complicate issues and make the view fuzzy.’ – Mark Kolke

June 3, 2008

"I’d rather have a foe who believes in me than a friend who doesn’t, I’d rather be late than not arrive at all, I’d rather my baggage takes the same trip I do, and on the same day, but I don’t always get what I want." - Mark Kolke

June 2, 2008

"Freedom to choose which line to cross, taboo to flout, convention to trash, proper thing to do improperly – there is no failing or danger in exposing ourselves to the risk/reward continuum. The ultimate worst case scenario is that we take our life, or that life takes us; so, what’s the risk then, if ultimately life takes us anyway?" - Mark Kolke

June 1, 2008

"Life is a debt we owe to self. No time to waste, start paying, never stop." - Mark Kolke

May 31, 2008

"Debts I owe used to bother me, hovering clouds above, like a cartoon character. There is only one debt worth my time, only one worth paying. Life can only give me death, it owes me nothing else, so, who do I owe, where do pay, how much do I owe, when will it fully paid?" - Mark Kolke

May 30, 2008

"Life’s value is not tangible – I can’t hold it in my hand or describe what it is in theory; neither can you. Life’s value, is not what I give to it – or what I take. Not measured by cash, toys or land or any thing. Value is what I make different in me that, in turn, makes anything different or better in the world. If I make nothing better, nothing different – if nothing changes, then my life is a waste of air, water and good food. If I have an experience – thrilling or painful – if it does nothing for anyone but me, what is its value other than my pleasure or my pain?" - Mark Kolke

May 29, 2008

"I’ve no desire to mislead anyone about anything at anytime – but unintended pain or gain of unintended consequences is not something I can predict, plan or avoid. My truth is my truth – in the moment, on the day, how I feel – that’s my truth regardless of time of day or night. Tomorrow, next week or in two years my truth may be the same but my way of describing it will be clearer, more refined, somewhat evolved – or change radically. My truth is my perception of truth, mine, through my eyes." - Mark Kolke

May 28, 2008

"Errors in reception, transmission or translation almost always arise out of a mistake in the sending of the message. I often find what I write, what I intend to convey, is misinterpreted by a margin that passes understanding." - Mark Kolke

May 27, 2008

"As I see it, life is a never ending series of errors in judgment, mistakes, course-corrections, disappointments, falling short, not measuring up, missing, losses, ties and cancellations this is sprinkled with some sunshine, punctuated with a win here, a victory there, a good turn, a good deed, a good deal, a good time and some measure of balance." - Mark Kolke

May 26, 2008

"Reality can (perhaps it should) be avoided, rejected, deflected just as much as it should be embraced. I think reality is over-rated and mind-expansion dreaming under-rated. A full life, not a balance of both, but rather the full pursuit of both without a notion one should defeat or compete with the other." - Mark Kolke

May 25, 2008

"No one who lives a full life ever stayed still or in one spot very long. Today, not the past, is all I have to work with. Chasing a dream or asking for what we want is nice but doesn’t get us very far. The next step of all of us is there for the stepping – having a dream and doing what we want is available to everyone." - Mark Kolke

May 24, 2008

"There are no limits, no speed limit on the thought highway, no curfew on action, no time limit on how much we love, no maximum on giving - giving ALL to a course of action does not leave us empty, it is how we get full. The reality that ‘there will never be enough time’ is not reason to quit, but reason to start." - Mark Kolke

May 23, 2008

"They all look the same, run on similar fuels – have a purring temperature of 98.6; some run hot, some run hotter, some burst the scale. Every morning tests our calm, our sensitivity, our confrontation with life and gravity – our battle with issues. Simple issues for some through to raging irrationality for others. We also confront each other. How do we know which approaching primate is kind, kind of nice or kind of crazy?" - Mark Kolke

May 22, 2008

"Sometimes it takes forever, to gather it in, to pull it down to this page like some billowing hot air balloon that needs to be packed and stored for its next trip - knowing something is over there or just out of view." - Mark Kolke

May 21, 2008

"Just out of sight or beneath the surface or just out of reach where truth waits to be uncovered, fertile territory wanting exploration, ideas beg cultivation – like a gold nugget waiting to be washed out of ten tons of gravel. Curiosity, awesome volumes of learning there for the asking, the looking, the feeling. OK, I have to ask nicely, repeatedly, softly, slowly sometimes." - Mark Kolke

May 20, 2008

"Maybe it is some inevitable repetition of things that have failed so many times before. Maybe they will fail again and again – but one cannot do anything but admire the commitment, courage and relentlessness of Israeli people who want a home, a homeland, a sense of being and belonging. Whether or not all things done in the past were the best or wisest or necessary we will never know for sure. That’s OK with me." - Mark Kolke

May 19, 2008

"I think life, too often too short, is more about quality, nerve and verve that it is about longevity; don’t get me wrong, I want long." - Mark Kolke

May 18, 2008

"Conscious and conscience are words I like – when intertwined it is easy to realize how most of us want to think about an issue, pressure governments and corporations to act but most of us, I hope, are more focused on seeing a result than just being seen wanting one." - Mark Kolke

May 17, 2008

"When runners arrive at the stadium they do not immediately head for the blocks to await the starters gun. They arrive, unpack, get organized, limber up, stretch and go through a ritualistic process of preparation of getting ready to be ready, getting prepared to start, getting set. Getting to one’s marks is about process - whether we are getting ready for work, for curtain to go up on a play or to write each day. We must, like the runner, be ready to start, be prepared to start, want to start and then, when the moment for starting comes, ready to start, prepared for it." - Mark Kolke

May 16, 2008

"This is my time-lapse movie, I am the camera, I am the film, I am the actor, I am the director – I am the viewer too. Tit down, pass the popcorn and watch with me." - Mark Kolke

May 15, 2008

"I see this in lots of places – someone gets sick or injured or has a life event go the wrong way. Their fury, their impact, their consequences effect so many like ripples in a pond that seem to grow into high waves of rage, while sadness finds new depths in troughs between the waves. - Mark Kolke

May 14, 2008

"Examination of motives at pivotal points in relationships is key if we hope to solve problems with any affect at all in business. Conversely, I think there is a tendency in personal relationships to avoid, to use a hockey metaphor, to go digging in the corners; even tougher is my relationship with myself – how often do I go digging around in the corners of my life to examine meets and bounds, testing my limits, examining my relevance?" - Mark Kolke

May 13, 2008

"My power to change world or client or friend ranges from a zero to, at best, a small number. I spend most of my time working on my changes, invest some time trying to change this world and none at all trying to change anyone else because my chance is zero – it is up to them, not me." - Mark Kolke

May 12, 2008

"I heard of someone just diagnosed - given 3 weeks to live; I was told he checked into a clinic; if that happened to me, I would, after quickly getting a 2^nd, 3^rd and 4^th opinion, not be checking in at any clinic anywhere. Rather, I’d be checking-in to get on a plane, checking-in at a beach-front resort, checking-in with the starter on the 1^st tee, using my time not filling it, using less time on sleep but investing lots of time making love, walking beaches and fairways and butterfly chasing." - Mark Kolke

May  11, 2008

"If I took everything on my table, everything on my plate – sorting ‘things to do in the next 3 weeks’, ‘things to do in the 3 weeks after that’ and threw the balance in the trash – I wonder how that would work if? Every day, we have 3 weeks to live – for most of us that is followed by another 3 and then another 3, but, if any of us knew we had only but 3 precious weeks, would we change focus, could we?" - Mark Kolke

May 10, 2008

"A bridge is place, as on a ship, from which to steer the ship or . . or ourselves. Watching old movies we gasp as the rickety rope suspension bridge in tatters is the only life line someone has – but that is the suspension of disbelief. In real life we have many bridges made of much stronger things than rope or steel or concrete – sometimes those are worn tattered relationships. Sometimes they are unbreakable bonds, but these bridges are of no value if they are just sitting idle. We can build a bridge with anyone, all it takes is two people who want the connection." - Mark Kolke

May 9, 2008

"Sometimes I get lost in the debris of too many things to do, too many priorities to even think of listing, too many demands upon my time – but, I get to choose what I do and when I do it; if I can do ten things, afford ten things or have time for ten things – does it really matter which I do first, which bill I pay first, which cheque I mail second, which file I put in the drawer last or what’s next?" - Mark Kolke

May 8, 2008

"Net Worth, a number at the bottom of a page, representative both of everything and of nothing at the same time; a snapshot, moment in time, subject to change without notice. It is about monetary worth but not about values, calculation of what we have rather than who we are, statement that says ‘here is what you are worth today’ without guarantee of tomorrow." - Mark Kolke

May  7, 2008

"To a fisherman ‘net worth’ can be some measure of his haul, statement of quality of his tools of the trade, proof of his ability to earn a living, feed a family and bragging rights down at the dock. The net vendor, in response to ‘what is your net worth?’ would produce a price quote or statement about quality. Neither of these are false, neither is a mathematical calculation of assets less liabilities." - Mark Kolke

May 6, 2008

"What any of us think of one another is measured many ways. Mostly I think views we hold, measures we take, tend to be qualitative – of future promise,  past deeds, recent experience and ‘in the moment’ feelings of how we feel, where we are, where we think we are headed – which cannot be fully measured in a day or a month, in one shopping trip or after a hundred." - Mark Kolke

May 5, 2008

"Quality of life is not money, success or power nor a period of time – it is a state of mind, a way of being, a state of grace, a statement of pace. It is about telling the world to get stuffed no less than it is about embracing that same world or someone. It is all these things before breakfast; it is reason to get up, it is reason to dream a little and fornicate lots. It is reason to meet someone on their terms - not because I don’t want to meet them halfway but because I am moving way faster and raced past the midpoint without noticing any particular landmark or guidepost or feeling some need to worry about it." - Mark Kolke

May 4, 2008

"They’ve gone so far beyond my expectations.  When a 4 yr. old takes a plate to the dishwasher they sometimes drop it, upside down of course, on the floor. Peanut butter laden crumbs clean up easily. They go on to try other new things, thousands of them – often wrong the first time - over time getting so many of them right. It seems just yesterday they were four-year-olds in miniature brown corduroy overalls,  wobbling as they took their breakfast plates from table to dishwasher, grinning that they could do that so well." - Mark Kolke

May 3 , 2008

"Any given day someone will lighten my load, and I won’t know it. Someone else will add to it and I won’t know it because the total load remains the same. Each time I shed something that does not deserve my time I make room for something that does. Every time I avoid someone who wastes my time or diverts my energy down a blind alley I am making room for time to engage a pursuit or person who is surely worth it. The form it takes or how long it takes is irrelevant but the stimulation factor is clearly a value barometer." - Mark Kolke

May 2, 2008

"It is my choice to respond or not, be annoyed or not, retaliate or not. Before I had a chance to think very much an email arrived from a client, apologizing for a miss-step his boss made that will impact negotiations with a landlord adversely for my client. Suddenly my day was starting off far better than his, and so it goes and will go all day. Each piece of information, each encounter will send my mood on a journey north or south." - Mark Kolke

May 1, 2008

"I am convinced we will always get what we expect. If we expect good things to show up, they will. If we expect trouble, it will. If we expect routine, it will, if we expect drama, it will. If we expect calm seas, we will have that too. So then, if I train myself to be always anticipating and expecting major change, accepting major change will turn my fears into passions just like a fresh set of clothes makes the day different." - Mark Kolke

April 30, 2008

"If I assume today will be normal slow lazy ‘fairly typical day’, then it will be, with my expectations fulfilled. Little is likely to change. On the other hand, if I expect today will be an exhilarating new experience, then it might have a chance to be. I’ve been pondering, if I make a major change today, what value is there in it for me or for anyone?" - Mark Kolke

April 29, 2008

"There we were, two guys at a stair landing, catching up but both marveling at how that coincidence unfolded on a day two people were running late, where it appears a series of unconnected (or were they?) events brought our paths to a crossroads in the innocuous of places - hmmmm?" - Mark Kolke

April 28, 2008

"I can’t imagine getting a leopard to sit still long enough to determine whether or not his spots change (recent experiences with a butterfly reinforce this view though also prove that all spots are not immediately apparent). We lions don’t have that problem. Just because we lack spots does not mean we lack personality or that we posses the power or skill  to disguise it or change it. I’m as tethered to my personality as Gusta is to her leash but we get loose sometimes; a dog unleashed is fun, a leopard unleashed is risky business, an idea unleashed – limitless potential. Unleash yourself, lose your tether." - Mark Kolke

April 27, 2008

"There is so much dignity in work, but there is no dignity in not knowing where your next meal is coming from of if you can afford it – which is not just a 3^rd world country problem. We have it in every city and town in this country too. I can't help but wonder, of all that money spent by corporations and governments promoting Earth Day, how many bags of rice that might have bought?" - Mark Kolke

April 26, 2008

"A silver bullet would be nice, grass greener on the other side of a great breakthrough. I’ve considered political parties called GREEN, considered the Sierra Club, Greenpeace and others where one can join a group, get a newsletter, make a donation and contribute to a group that purports to foster change as if a few thousand good people are battling 6 billion bad people. That does not frame the issue or a strategy for solution in my view." - Mark Kolke

April 25, 2008

"For me there seems to be a clearer, albeit smaller, picture of whether 6 billion can win any battle with the planet. I doubt we can wage any such war that collectively would equal any force of nature or which could reverse it. We’ve only been camping here a short while and, to listen to all the talking heads, it seems we’ve nearly wrecked the place." - Mark Kolke

April 24, 2008

"While I think tactics and strategies are great for adversarial sports like business, sales, athletics and board games – competitive and combative – relationships, love and the pursuit of love, are filled with too much of that and not enough ease, not enough simple, not enough generosity of spirit and of self." - Mark Kolke

April 23, 2008

"Untried is not the same as untrue. Leaping off the precipice is no riskier than sitting at the bus stop on a day the buses don’t run. Waiting for a journey that will never start is like talking about one without serious intent - each will fail to lead anywhere pleasant. With butterfly on my shoulder, how can I expect that to continue unless there is venturing, adventuring and freedom to explore the unexplored." - Mark Kolke

April 22, 2008

"Walking beaches, our footprints of any depth quickly vanish in the surf of life, as if we were never there – but then, in a way, we’ve left no scar or evidence of being there if we tread gently on the earth." - Mark Kolke

April 21, 2008

"Loving discovery, I sit on the edge of my seat in anticipation of what happens next – my journey of life (JOL) is neither destination or trip. It takes place in many destinations and along the pathways between them, but for me the discovery of something new on purpose or by accident, is the beverage I thirst for, crave and chase every day. Some days it involves learning new things about a butterfly, some days it involves learning something about the world – every day it involves learning something about myself." - Mark Kolke

April 20, 2008

"I vented some frustration to someone who might listen. I recognized how little affect that action may have for anyone else but also how important it was for me. My action/inaction ratio is something only I am accountable for. I’m not talking about road-rage antics applied to life, but taking it upon myself (our ourselves) to take a step, take a stand, do something and never stop trying." - Mark Kolke

April 19, 2008

"Will it change anything?  That’s the better question; will my complaint, my speaking up, speaking out – will it change the world, that company, that person I complained to, will it change them or how they deal with me or anyone else?  Will it change me?." - Mark Kolke

April 18, 2008

"Thinking is dangerous but not so dangerous as not thinking; living is dangerous too but not so dangerous as not living." - Mark Kolke

April 17, 2008

"I’m outraged that we citizens of the world cannot set aside greed for money, territory and power to safely feed our hungry, care for our sick. It seems we have not been able to do it with socialism, fascism, communism, democracy or anarchy. Maybe it is time someone sat on a hillside somewhere to devise something that works for everyone." - Mark Kolke

April 16, 2008

"It’s not the time or who it’s spent with, the trick is to think like mad, and imagine madness so no one knows the moments when I think I’m quite mad – or completely bonkers, to imagine what I imagine, to live this charmed lucky life. I fantasize about idleness, but not long, I can’t do idle well, or wild. Instead I work at dreams and dream at work and write and work some more so one day I can just write and write and write some more." - Mark Kolke

April 15, 2008

"If I don’t like the day, I can make one up – make a better one, a longer one, a day full of laughs or tears or both; a day of work and play 31 hours long. All I have to do is think it and it is so. So I will, so I can, so can anyone. Bizarre to some, but given the world today will not look anything like the world 100 years from now, I think by taking off on some new path my chance of flourishing is not so bad because sitting still has zero chance of being anywhere I’d want to be in the future." - Mark Kolke

April 14, 2008

"I’ve figured out that no one has it figured out; each time I write some more I seem to figure out a little more – might be mad - I prefer to let it make me glad that I can think and write and work and play and no one has to give me permission, no one has to hire me, no one has to do anything at all; I do, I’m the one, I’m the guy who has to think for me, dream for me, write for me – not you; you get to do for you, you get to dream for you – not me." - Mark Kolke

April 13, 2008

"I’m not sure if I am obsessed or merely determined. Perhaps too many dreams and desires for one person to have or reconcile - perhaps I should lower my expectations. I think the better course of action, for me, is to raise them higher, then higher still, until there can be no topping them, and then, try to top them anyway." - Mark Kolke

April  12, 2008

"Change takes time. Its pace is something we crave to control, accelerate and impact in terms of direction but there seem to be a set of lessons found in nature to suggest that just won’t happen quickly because we want it to or because we become better at searching for it or better communicating with each other. We’ll see" - Mark Kolke

April 11, 2008

"Yesterday, in the body of a note to a colleague describing a new adventure and the website I am creating - I meant to end the description of how relevant the site is to my lifestyle and work-style plans over the next few years with: ‘this new site is the hub of my wheel’ but instead I typed ‘this new site is the hub of my while’. That got me thinking about short while vs. long while, in Hawaii while, at home while – it seems the mind could have many whiles, for a while - certainly worth my while, for a while. If a couple of keystrokes make my wheel a while, they can change anything for a while." - Mark Kolke

April 10, 2008

"Most people don’t get me on most things, some people don’t get me at all, ever. Someone (clearly in the last group) wrote the other day indicating he didn’t want to hear from me again unless I’d discovered a cure for cancer. I’ll have to get back to him on that." - Mark Kolke

April 9, 2008

"The path, any route, is not a thing in itself - it is an experience using some sidewalks and roads but at the end they are only sidewalks and roads with no understanding or interest in the experiences we’ve had while traveling them. It seems water running downhill has some secret because it follows the path of least resistance and when it hits an obstacle, it goes around to find another way as if guided by Frost’s poem – which is something I’d like to try if I can ever stop butting up against the roadblocks." - Mark Kolke

April 8, 2008

"Emerging from darkness, as someone pointed out, is sometimes a slow process. For me, it requires an early start. No amount of sleep lost or stored up, can match the silence and majesty of walking under the stars in the middle of the night. At 4AM I curse getting up, by 4:30 I believe sleep is over-rated, by 5:00 I wonder why not! No amount of sleep or caffeine can compete with the energy boost that comes with knowing that everything is as it should be." - Mark Kolke

April 7, 2008

"There is no better place in life or time anywhere else under any of the stars than where I am right now; there are shadows in the middle of the night but they seem just like shades of the dark inadequately served by a stingy light - still it lights the path, leads to morning." - Mark Kolke

April 6, 2008

"Misunderstanding is manufactured, failed communication is a poorly tailored garment. Its cut pieces sewn without pattern, without plan, more often yielding a mess than a thing of beauty." - Mark Kolke

April 5, 2008

"My sleeve is near my heart – that seems to be the way shirts are made." - Mark Kolke

April 4, 2008

"Seeing the butterfly is easy, but looking in the same direction the butterfly is going remains a mystery to be discovered, albeit slowly;  seeing what I want, wanting what I see; the fog analogy fits too for that situation when one can see clearly looking forward, another seeing clearly looking back – but not until two people are looking in the same direction can they determine if they see the same things." - Mark Kolke

April 3, 2008

"In recent days, and coming ones too, discussion will take place in my life not unlike discussions in many relationships - that point of go forward, go backward or stand-still – when those seem to be the three available options which is confounding for me because I feel like a story teller, writing it down, where I’ve found my happy ending - but it’s only the middle of the story." - Mark Kolke

April 2, 2008

"My destination is not a place or places or many places – it is a province of peace, a state of mind, of being found and found out and where we are is right here right now and nothing else matters anywhere close to this anywhere in life in any place (mind you, everything’s nicer in Maui)." - Mark Kolke

April 1, 2008

"Big things make a difference – so some folks think – but I don’t agree; little things get me up, get me down, inspire me, frustrate me or act as catalysts for change. Thinking about change does little; changing thinking has a better chance." - Mark Kolke

March 31, 2008

"Sometimes traffic signs are just traffic signs; sometimes they arrest attention and divert thought. I came upon one that said ‘be prepared to stop’ – impact - not just to slow me to avoid a construction crew collision, but rather a collision of ideas in my head, semiotics in action. Depending on how I see change, or sea-change, making change can be conclusion of a store purchase or something else entirely depending on what I want to see and depending on whether I am prepared to stop. Either way, I’ll keep the change." - Mark Kolke

March 30, 2008

"Be prepared to stop, be prepared to pause, be prepared to go, be prepared for anything,

be prepared for something, be prepared for nothing. Life is flying without a net, it is a mix of reality and imagination, a mix of luck and planning, of actions and reactions, of help and of helplessness." - Mark Kolke

March 29, 2008

"That which does not serve to connect us, serves to divide us - life as we know it, dream it, wish it, love it or hate it is subject to change without notice; the certainty we knew only moments ago might evaporate moments from now; when I put my head around that idea, depending on my mood or emotional state at the time, I travel in a heartbeat from fright to euphoria – like they are towns by those names; I prefer to live between them." - Mark Kolke

March 28, 2008

"I get impatient when things do not come to fruition as quickly as I want, frustrated when things I’ve counted on fail to materialize and the knocking on the door is not a new opportunity but a chicken coming home to roost; some things get me up, others beat me down – abundant obstacles, whirl-of-day easily creates a mirage to confuse the mix of best opportunities, best route to go, right thing to do – of owning truth and its consequences." - Mark Kolke

March 27, 2008

"Difficult things don’t scare me, near-impossible challenges intrigue me, but this one I find impossible to extricate myself from its clutches; like fingerprints or snowflakes, there are no two mothers alike and probably no two mother-child relationships alike." - Mark Kolke

March 26, 2008

"I’ve spent my entire life hurrying – rushing – just to get to today, getting ready for today, prepared for today – so I think I can handle anything today might bring - all I can do is to be prepared to be unprepared; being ready to be sharp is not the same as being sharp – it is more like being an intellectual Maytag man . . sitting around, waiting to be ready with a solution if the phone rings; I try to use something I’ve learned (and taught) in my Toastmasters life with respect to impromptu speaking – that of being ready to react to something I’m not expecting." - Mark Kolke

March 25, 2008

"Getting to know people I see little of in rather artificial situations (ie: the family gathering)  is difficult; lots to observe - no history, no idea, no warning labels, no way to know who I’ll like in time, or who I won’t, no idea who will grow close, no idea who will be unreachable or impossible – for now I’ll stay with ‘herding cats’ as most apropos label; there is no depth, no discussion that intrigues, superficial pleasantries, laughter, food, a sense of occasion – but little deep learning - though observing interactions is often educational, enlightening or downright bizarre." - Mark Kolke

March 24, 2008

"Creativity, like dough, is a living thing. Notes on paper, notations on screen, on paper or floating in head swirl – eddy-like for me, the same water in and out, forth and back again – juicy mess massaged and made whole or splashed spectacularly on this canvas, a loaf made of life slices." - Mark Kolke

March 23, 2008

"Unplanned forks in a road, will alter the future. Some, disconcerting in the moment, won’t be important two weeks from now let alone a year. Some are  life altering events, while most are not – daily circumstances and chance perversely conspire to cook up change, thoughts and creativity - the brain my cauldron, belly my thermometer." - Mark Kolke

March 22, 2008

"A thousand tiny things – mostly pleasant, people being nice – slip from view or memory without acknowledgement, quickly forgotten, but, a slight, a hurt, an irritation . . these can take on a life of their own." - Mark Kolke

March 21, 2008

"When irritation builds, grain of sand in an oyster shell, the oyster produces a pearl by coating that grain with something smooth, beautiful and enduring - but when irritation or conflict builds with people it is rarely pretty – swept aside or ignored, but never far from reach so the issue can be brought out to irritate some more; why is that?" - Mark Kolke

March 20, 2008

"I’m not an early riser because I dislike sleep or want to avoid languishing in bed - I’m an early riser because there is too much to do and because I might miss something - if the world comes to an abrupt end, I want to be up to see it - every day, news always breaks before the dawn." - Mark Kolke

March 19, 2008

"Value is what you have left when the worth is spent, it is what remains standing when all other means of support are gone – it is the measure of us, the only measure that really counts." - Mark Kolke

March 18, 2008

"Innovation and creativity infect us when they spread, virus-like. Some people get them, some don’t, no rhyme, no reason, no easy explanation. Some people respond to invitation, rise to challenge, step over dotted-lines or slip comfortably into new roles – to make room for more in any mind." - Mark Kolke

March 17, 2008

"Each time I get an unexpected consequence I smile and recognize I should have been expecting it – then time passes and I get another one and I am always surprised. Each time I get a surprise, fair or foul, I find that when I try to dissect it there is clear evidence to me there is direct connect between the quality of the effort I put in relative to the quality of the surprise. Sometimes I deservedly land on my tush, sometimes a butterfly lands on me." - Mark Kolke

March 16, 2008

"Being unprepared rarely produces a winning result, making assumptions is always a wild card, people tend to behave the way they have before if circumstances are the same, things that are dropped often get damaged in some way and, delaying a decision rarely alters the ultimate decision but the delay often alters the outcome significantly." - Mark Kolke

March 15, 2008

"The legacy we leave children is not calculated numerically – the legacy we leave is a basket filled with, hopefully, more joys than pain, more laughter than conflict, longer life, better life and a set of skills to help them along their way. The legacy we leave is pride in their successes and our own failure – a failure to be more, to have done better, to undo what cannot be undone." - Mark Kolke

March 14, 2008

"Examining what matters most easily falls into three categories for me; relationships, experiences and things - in that order; most of my life the things and experiences led the list with relationships trailing which seems so silly now." - Mark Kolke

March 13, 2008

"Fear understood is usually not fear. Fear is something we are taught, perhaps with some good reasons, by our experiences – but fear is not a requirement. Lately I’ve been seeing fear (dealing with it is what I mean) as an opportunity - every fear a new opportunity to turn it over, turn it around, turn it on its ear – the worst that can happen is that I make no difference but experience has taught me that every effort makes some difference." - Mark Kolke

March 12, 2008

"Opportunity is always there, the choice of when to pursue it rests within each of us – blocked by fear.  Fear the handcuffs, uncertainty the jail, doubt the prison – incarcerate the spirit, imagination and opportunities; fear is a state of mind, not a place." - Mark Kolke

March 11, 2008

"Today can be a beginning - a continuation of everything that has gone before or a beginning of everything that is ahead of me. This could be the case any day that I want it to be, but few days feel that pivotal – so much so that they should represent a hinge, a turning point, a mid point, a change of direction – a point that identifies the middle." - Mark Kolke

March 10, 2008

"Fear of pain, fear of doing the wrong thing to prevent pain – so many options. Dangers, treading on any surface, when we are uncertain, brings risk. Risk of adventuring out, risk of staying at the starting point - at first it seems simple, the choice to go forward or stand still, to venture out or not, to move or not, to change or not - as if inaction keeps one safe, as if standing still protects us in any way." - Mark Kolke

March 9, 2008

"Somewhere between sidelines and headlines most of us seek something more than ordinary but less than greatness, a state of being that does not stay the same – we’d be bored with that – a state of being that brings surprises we like, problems we can solve, challenges we can rise to that bring neither failure or disaster – unrealistic perhaps, but we dream it anyway – no matter what disappointment landed in the middle of our day." - Mark Kolke

March 8, 2008

"Clarity and wisdom seem to show up when it pleases them, never around when I need them most; sometimes they just drop into my brain for a visit, sometimes it is a long stay, sometimes fleeting moments of joy." - Mark Kolke

March  7, 2008

"Somewhere between sidelines and headlines most of us seek something more than ordinary but less than greatness, a state of being that does not stay the same – we’d be bored with that – a state of being that brings surprises we like, problems we can solve, challenges we can rise to that bring neither failure or disaster – unrealistic perhaps, but we dream it anyway – but, no matter what disappointment landed in the middle of our day." - Mark Kolke

March 6, 2008

"A dog brings tail-wags and licks to cure every ailment to lift my deflated spirit on the toughest of days. Most people, I am convinced, don’t fully get it - have it the wrong way ‘round – because you don’t get a dog, a dog gets you." - Mark Kolke

March 5, 2008

"Few people have left such an impression of humility and kindness as she did; she built her relationships and reputation on hard work, genuine affection for people, understated humility, classy generosity of spirit and an ability to forgive most flaws in most people. She arrived on Canadian soil – intrepid explorer, soft, gentle, feminine, smart, hard-working, quietly stubborn, creative, musical – she sought no approvals, made few requests – unique, one-of-a-kind, inspiring, unforgettable. 30 years have passed since, my first born daughter Carla arrived, destined to make her unique mark on this world; so far she’s left her fingerprints and footprints on many things but her deepest impression has been the one she has made on me." - Mark Kolke

March 4, 2008

"When tide turns, when tipping point is reached, reversal of direction follows – then a trend toward something is a trend away from something else - a case for quiet, but unspoken thoughts cannot unfold a plan." - Mark Kolke

March 3, 2008

"A low slung sports car hugs road, its center of gravity (an object’s point at which mass behaves as if it were concentrated) low to the ground, someone designed it that way. Maybe we can design our emotional or spiritual center to better hug the earth. There must be one place where things level off, where there is nothing beneath – nothing more to be unearthed - a place where learnedness takes over from learning, where knowing takes over from not knowing, somewhere between a spiritual place of readiness and a state of completeness." - Mark Kolke

March 2, 2008

"I need to start being less surprised when people disappoint, perhaps funneling that energy into greater appreciation for those who so greatly, grandly and beautifully exceed my expectations. Moving less, sitting more – time to think, to stare out a window at the dreary drabness knowing spring will be along soon, brain busy, body idle." - Mark Kolke

March 1, 2008

"When I spend time re-ordering priorities, sifting through files, producing a fresh ‘plan of attack’ a better allocation of time - so my theory goes; it must work because I’ve done it hundreds of times !  Sometimes, a breakthrough - not so sure it was the organizing as much as some of the thoughts coursing through my noggin – a better division of time, a better setting of priorities, parking things I don’t have time for right now . putting some  on the trash pile." - Mark Kolke

February 29, 2008

"Every day it seems everyday things alter the course, mess with the schedule and bring new things into focus. Today’s lesson for me may be about staying inside in cold weather, but I think not; not about walking or falling or rehearsing, I think more about noticing others not noticing, wondering how often that was me walking by or staying silent when someone was having trouble, in need of assistance." - Mark Kolke

February 28, 2008

"If opinion poll questions are created for the sole purpose of generating a particular type of answer, it become hard to know if the wind is blowing at all or which way. Politicians, economists and media observers alike - less concerned knowing which way the wind is blowing or how hard - they know which answers serve their purpose, organize their data, theories and questions to generate the answers they want to hear. Evaluating effectiveness is not about truth objectively viewed any more than saying ‘it is windy today’ tells me El Niño or La Niña are at work or taking a holiday." - Mark Kolke

February 27, 2008

"So often a new day or week brings so much opportunity for draining dull repetition, reminding us that fresh original is more exciting than an old copy; fresh idea, fresh thought – rarely fresh or original - just new to me in their current form; thoughts to dwell on, thoughts arrive fresh at brain’s door – not so much fresh as they are survivors." - Mark Kolke

February 26, 2008

"Machinery of mind and body creak – like implements left too long in the yard, they need more than fresh paint and pumping to give them life. Stimulating conversation brings flesh and bone, muscle and tendon back to life, derailed train of thought placed back on its tracks can haul the load home - action, repetition, action, repetition - balance shifts." - Mark Kolke

February 25, 2008

"Fact and opinion matter but we’ve been numbed into some state of not caring because it doesn’t matter, not getting involved because we cannot affect the outcome, not engaging because ‘things are pretty good’. I wonder to what degree we, the pandered to, truly thirst to follow anything or anyone, how strongly we feel both need and responsibility to cast votes, contribute to decisions and truly affect change with our vote." - Mark Kolke

February 24, 2008

"Collectively we have abdicated thinking for ourselves, given up wanting freedom to participate in how we are governed - instead leaving it to TV and blogs to inform us of what is important or who to vote for. Media coverage doesn’t make it true any more than a house full of tulips makes it spring." - Mark Kolke

February 23, 2008

"Bumpy rides are good. Though smooth pavement around sharp curves is nice – but comfort does not comfort me, the prospect of comfort does not appeal. Life in a basement room would be fine if that was all I could manage – comfort is not about dreams of it or comfort enjoyed or comfort found. Comfort, and thoughts about it, shouldn’t take me off my plans, away from my goal or outside my comfort zone. I have to remind myself to not get too comfortable, because some icy patch in the road inevitably shows up – if I am comfortable it will send me skidding. If I am uncomfortable I feel better prepared." - Mark Kolke

February 22, 2008

"Sorting goal from tasks from wishes from dreams - twists of choice, of chance, twists and turns proving the world is divided in two – those who change and those who don’t, those who grow and those who don’t, those who settle and those who don’t, those who question and those who don’t." - Mark Kolke

February 21, 2008

"So much of life is fast, instant and disposable - things we’ve done before get done the same old way we’ve done them before whether 10 times or 10 thousand times. Things I’ve done a first time are experiment – too often I think, new things got discarded after too few tries because they didn’t work. If it doesn’t work, toss it aside, replace it and move on with strong emphasis on the ‘move on’ part." - Mark Kolke

February 20, 2008

"Of comfort enjoyed beyond a luxurious hour or weekend or thinking about it, comfort isn’t so comfortable.  I like comfort, comfort is easy. I enjoy it immensely, but, like the morning- after a too-much-fun night, morning comes. Comfort comes in many forms most of which don’t matter to me. Sure, I can enjoy fine things but they don’t make me think, thoughts of comfort do not stimulate my brain as much as they affect my lazy-bone." - Mark Kolke

February 19, 2008

"Figuring anything out - pursuing dreams, achieving ambitions, planning the path – seems so difficult sometimes. Taking steps, tiny/grand, generates little excitement for anyone else; it matters only to the person taking the step and, to a lesser degree, by those affected by it.  Life breaks into so many easy to understand pieces. It seems strange to have trouble sorting it out – wake/sleep, birth/life/death, man/woman, eat/fast, work/play/rest, think/not, feel/not, try/not - simple really - but often it seems much tougher than that." - Mark Kolke

February 18, 2008

"Not inches or feet, distance - between close and far, or close and not so far is like a rope fallen slack, no way of knowing a connection remains unless we pick up the rope and give it a tug to verify the connection still exists. Then, when we do, all will be calm again." - Mark Kolke

February 17, 2008

"Someone who avoids risks avoids life, avoids confrontation, avoids conversation or avoids challenge achieves little – I have been all these things and found they do not bring happiness. I’ve also tried calculated risk and reckless abandon – each bring troubles of all kinds imaginable, but either case is more worthy than sitting on a sideline hoping to be called into the game." - Mark Kolke

February 16, 2008

"We get relationships we choose, and we get to choose what kind of relationships they are; the challenge, abetted by (all of us) struggles to communicate fully and effectively, to get on the same page with someone we want to be on the same page with – to find reciprocal joy there – not trouble free joy, tragedy immune joy or everlasting joy – just joy." - Mark Kolke

February 15, 2008

"My goal is to live a vibrant exciting life every day – to be vital, alive and filled with energetic thinking – I am today as I was yesterday and as I expect to be tomorrow; that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with my understanding of myself, But . . . ‘a goal without a plan is just a wish.’ – Larry Elder; with Larry’s words to guide me, I see my goal more clearly, because most things going on in my life are not goals at all, they are just plans – some grandiose plans, some freak-people-out plans, but they are plans." - Mark Kolke

February 14, 2008

"Chasing an objective, stretching for a goal needs to be mitigated with recognition there are no guarantees anything today or tomorrow will be in any way like yesterday shocks us now and again – headline shock – then we wiggle back into our comfortable seats of familiarity." - Mark Kolke

February 13, 2008

"I don’t think love and perfection have anything in common; love is an action word of caring that has nothing to do with coloring inside the lines, has no value if its players are flawless like some fairy tale. From where I sit, I see no one as perfect and no one should try to imitate an image of perfection for it can only bring disappointment – I prefer joy." - Mark Kolke

February 12, 2008

"Imperfection clings like a cobweb that grabs in the dark – not to be shaken, but to be worn. To relax in imperfection, letting it become a second skin, insulates from those who might attack any one of my many imperfections - as if to say ‘see, you thought I was hard to take before, well take a look at this’ " - Mark Kolke

February 11, 2008

"Words cannot comfort like time does, cannot draw a circle around friends, cannot define a family any more than they can experience sorrow or joy - long or short, words fire me up. They don’t keep me awake at night but they do get me up early in the morning." - Mark Kolke

February 10, 2008

"Habits, good or bad, are our creation – we are the only ones who can break them, we are the only ones who can make them. Whatever we do over and over, regularly, incessantly, without fail – these things define us; for some that might be picking berries every day, it might be picking a fight every day or it might be painting a masterpiece every day." - Mark Kolke

February 9, 2008

"Walk, walk long, walk far, walk alone, walk silently, listen – the answers are not out there, but the questions and discussion are – keep walking, that is where the great debate is held, keep walking, that is what we are meant to do; we are all left with the same choice today – we can walk for ourselves, we can walk for someone else.  We are all left with the same balance question – to find life’s purpose and our role in it, to find some way to make sense of what we don’t understand; always, happiness is a mental state, not a physical one. Therefore, it would seem, the state of unhappiness is not of body but of mind - yet it seems for me walking is where the great discussions happen – the great debate goes on in the head while the body is out walking. The more I walk, the more I have to think about, but the more I walk the less I feel I need to worry about, the more I walk the clearer my muddy water looks, the more I walk the easier it seems to sort and sift out the truly unimportant, the more I walk the clearer my priorities appear and they seem to be better organized in rank of priority." - Mark Kolke

February 8, 2008

"My worst pain, deepest loss, a few times I’ve felt grief – do not deserve to be on the same page as the hurt I fear most – every parent does – that of losing a child. Whatever the age, cause or circumstance there must be no more unimaginable form of pain.  Nothing I can imagine would hurt more. Nothing else I can imagine would stop me in life’s tracks. Pain, loss and grief are so often talked about in the abstract – as a concept, rather than a reality – as something that happens to someone else." - Mark Kolke

February 7, 2008

"Thinking nourishes and sustains. Weaving ideas together gives strength. I prefer to weave hotness of coffee with coolness of room – put together daily these morning companions, like a sparking topic with the right group, a project on the right day – icing for the cake, bandage for the cut, fuel for the tank." - Mark Kolke

February 6, 2008

"To produce sustenance, we shop, chop, assemble, cook, eat – and are fed, but not necessarily nourished; issues of balanced nutrition, taste or presentation are incidental condiments like mustard on a hot dog – without them, we survive, we get fed. Ingredients and ideas guarantee nothing unless we have the urge to weave them into something startling, something spectacular – so give me a reason. I’ve never learned to weave a basket – not that I think I cannot learn, but I’ve never done it. Like weaving words together I suppose I would need materials, to be taught the skill, a plan and, most importantly, a reason."  - Mark Kolke

February 5, 2008

"Pace, oddly, is a synonym for a ‘single step’; nature’s speed is slow, pace measured, the method is patience; unlike nature, I try to work harder, write faster – if I leap and run I likely get to the end at the same time – always, I’ll be wondering if my life is like a really interesting movie I am watching the whole way through so I can find out how it ends."  - Mark Kolke

February 4, 2008

"In learning and play, as in love, as in cooking - hesitation is over rated, seasoning is extremely important and timing is everything. I prefer leaping on stage to shout loudly that he is he, that she is she - woven by spontaneity, tested and celebrated by fire - actions and dreams, readiness and steadiness beat in the background – no salt, just spice."  - Mark Kolke

February 3, 2008

"Randomness - connections made, broken, broken off, reconnected or never started in the first place; this happens as we breeze by people we encounter in life, work and play. Some warrant a handshake, a wink or a nod, some spend hours and hours in our lives, some just skate on by leaving little or no impression – leaving no remnant of who they are behind."  - Mark Kolke

February 2, 2008

"Down a long path I see autumn leaves in a graveyard, I imagine what kind of epitaph might be inscribed on a tombstone. I want to live my life so that is true when I get there. Along the way no one thinks the thoughts I thought they did, no one felt the feelings I thought they did. In saying we are ‘doing what we want to do’, do we do really do what we think others want without examining our own choice making responsibility?" - Mark Kolke