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ALL THINGS RED
Saturday Feb. 11, 2012
On weekend mornings I find I have time - perhaps my readers do too - to listen to some music. I choose pieces I like that connect, in some way, to my mood. I hope you enjoy these: The Dave Brubeck Quartet Take Five , Nina Simone Feeling Good , Peggy Lee Fever , Edith Piaf La Vie En Rose , Joe Cocker Ain’t No Sunshine
I write of things that amaze me, amuse or confuse me. Love stands tall among those things which do all three.
Like a tiny bird, It will alight on my doorstep again.
Resembling a hummingbird, butterfly or winged orange crate – not sure, but I believe my desired brand of love-lightning will strike again.
Long for it, yearn for it, ache for it.
And, for those whose lives/loves, partnerships and marriages have become hum-drum, I believe they long for it too – to have it back again, re-spark it again, re-light the flame again.
That, my friends, is longing.
Songs, poems and clever prose have extolled romantic love since ancient times, so many times that so little of what we are exposed to, read, or hear is original. A circle game where we keep come back to recurring issues – just change the cast of characters – and we keep going round.
So few people appear to have what I want – envy, covet, yearn for. Some do. I’ve seen it.
I know it is real. I’ve seen it too seldom for my comfort level, which only enhances my fear it is so rare that most of us will live entire lives not finding it. I’m trying to change that. Sure, we find happy, find bliss, find love and partnering . . . but how many people find that peak of the mountain situation and can maintain it. At my age, added to that, is the concern that once I find her, she might leave life first. Considering long odds of finding what I want . . . once found, I’m happy with 50/50 odds going forward.
Longing - melancholy maudlin love-sick puppy moods serve only to perpetuate themselves.
Consider longing – and ask what does that word mean to you?
To me, longing is one part memory of wonderful times that can’t be replaced, and one part wishing for some future situation when those joys might come again in some new form.
I read weekend paper’s plethora of advertising, articles and editorials surrounding the 14th of this month, focus on all things red or heart-shaped, as men and women the world over long for love as they once had, once believed it could be or dreamed it might still be or believe it might be restored by heart-shaped red boxes, odorless bouquets of red roses and copious volumes of chocolate. Candy may be dandy, but liquor is quicker, and though liquor may be quicker, remember that sex won’t rot your teeth.
William Somerset Maugham wrote: The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned.
Another quote (don’t know the source) explains longing, perhaps better than Maugham: It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone – but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
My experience with unrequited affection – quite a few times actually, but two episodes stand out – one long ago, one more recent, is that longing-hurt is not so much the waiting (eventually you give up) for love to be returned, but the self-disappointment when you realize that you’ve wasted your time waiting for something that was, at best, an unrealistic pipe dream.
So, why do smart people deal with such pain and disappointment?
We believed in something, in someone, and even though we know it was – at best – a foundationless fantasy, there is value in believing, a value in hoping, a value in having faith in love, and one day it might appear once again.
p.s.: regarding my column yesterday about Gabriel the shoe shine man; I was mistaken … his name is Emmanuel
Mark Kolke
305,948
column written/ published from Calgary - morning walk: -16 C/ 2 F, calm, sunny – Gusta full of energy, pulling me up every hill and down the next, full of energy, and perhaps we both are today.
Comments Received:
SHINING EXAMPLE
Really liked your column today :), CJ, Beaumont, AB
Have been visiting you and enjoying the journey. I think I've become addicted to your musings, thoughts and stories. You have me captivated, stimulated and wanting to know more, M, Bellevue, WA
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