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LEFTOVER MAKEOVER
Tuesday Oct. 11, 2011
this column written and published from my residence in Cranston (SE Calgary) near the Bow River valley
Morning walk: 5C/41F, mixed up sky, sun shining for now, Gusta exhibiting far more romp-energy than my temperament was prepared for – needed to reign her in as traffic is humming, post-weekend normal resuming . . .
Most of the next year will fly by, un-notices, unannounced – just stuff, zipping by as the planet spins and we all go through our 365.25 days. What will change for you? For me? For any of us? Will it be one thing, or one dynamic or one person? Or two, or five, or ten?
How many changes will truly occur? After we figure that out, it seems logical to me that the rest of it is not about change but about going through motions – many of which didn’t work so well that last time, or the time before that.
What do we do with the rest of it? In medieval times sorcerers and scientists alike strove to find the universal solvent - that would dissolve anything, without regard to what they would keep it in. Hundreds of years later, we know there is no magic potion to dissolve anything; no way to break down, break away or bust apart things which are real and make them disappear.
We are left, always, with remnants and leftovers of our experiences – both our successes and our colossal blunders.
I get down sometimes, on myself, and on others. The when and why of it will vary, but mix a long weekend, some unhappy, some alone and some over-eating and there is a recipe for Tuesday morning malaise. This weekend – was one of those; a time for wondering what might have been if something had only been a little bit different, or how we all might have different results if we tried different strategies.
But, you know, I keep coming back to this reminder, this truth I know all too well – that we don’t change – we don’t alter, can’t alter, who we are, and our success in trying for change with others is even more futile. I’ve been reflecting and doing some reading of how things were a year ago.
Memories, endings and unresolved conflicts are like leftovers hidden, back of the fridge - left alone and forgotten they grow dry and old, they or grow mould . . .
Prose, poems and hurtin’ songs are so often written about it – from the perspective of emotional hangover; heart, head and belly are where we keep our feelings stowed – in literary terms at least – because those references recur. Headaches have pill solutions, belly aches have Tums solutions and heartaches have no solution at all; those are something that just need time to evaporate a little.
A year from now, today will be a year ago, and I wonder what will change.
Mark Kolke
308,900
Comments Received:
PUNCH TO THE HEART
I liked the story - could be part one of two...? , SB, Calgary, AB
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