Spring promises everything, summer welcomes everything, autumn leaves blow everything away, winter snows cover everything, then spring wakes us, makes us, hopeful again.
I wrote that poem, Summer Promises, March 19, 2010, as prelude to my Musing columns for the coming year (I had just completed my 7th year of daily Musing columns at the time), to set a tone for the coming year, and to try my hand at poetry writing.
The next day, I thought about it some more. With much optimism, fortitude and belief I could do it, stick with it and possibly write some good poems - the next day, I began . . . a year of writing poetry.
New at this, I believed my days would bring a mix of short poems and long ones, good ones and horrid ones. I have no schooling in poetry writing – I’ve not read a lick, don’t have a clue and would horrify myself if something resembling iambic pentameter or a sonnet were to emerge.
So, here is my poetry writing year, 365 moods as they unfoled, one after the other:
COME TO MEAN – March 20, 2011
Writing began
with difficulty
then came more easily
just as has love
and my capacity
to be loved
has come to me
more easily
than ever had I thought
just start
that is all
this is the way these things work
write of life
right of life
ask questions
seek answers
find more questions
examine pain
celebrate joy
make friends
teach a little
learn lots
offend some
thrill some
collaborate with some
meet some
each year brings newer
better
more intriguing observations
fewer distractions
more musings
tomorrow will come
I’ll write another
day after day
another and
another.
I WANT A LOT – March 19, 2011
I expect a lot
expect revolutionary feel
tothat which I seek
not in terms of what
I might compare it to
but in new terms of new experiences
worth waiting
worth every struggle
worth intermittent joys and pains
worth rights and re-writes
worth wrongs and wrongs repeated
there will never be again
anything as great as
the greatest we’ve had
or
alternatively
consider
this
rather than trying to best our past
how about we best our future
best love
in rest of my life for rest of my life
best success
I can achieve in the rest of my life
best health
in the rest of my life
someone may argue that my best is past
but that won’t last
won’t stick
best is ahead
not far
watch for it.
I UNDERSTAND – March 18, 2011
Inasmuch as I understand rationalization of the rationalizing person I can’t help but gag on self-serving excuses people give words too hard to swallow impossible to hear without understanding their words are just a way to avoid confronting other issues they cannot voice I struggle to not let those events drag me down or defeat me because it is not about me but about thee.
UNEXPECTEDLY – March 17, 2011
Life surprises
several times
each day
moving me
physically
or emotionally
to change something in my life
and
I realize that
my actions
too
sometimes cause
that reaction in others
we are all
I suppose
capable of that
intended for that
good at that
waiting for that
needed for that
because more often
than we need or want
we are
without wishing or permitting or thought
confronted with
that.
DEAL BRAKER – March 16, 2011
Difficult
to explain
a little pain
nothing serious
but sill
you see
it is hard to have
just felt
just melted
just enjoyed
just toyed
with an idea
of what might have been
could have been
just a moment ago
only to hear in my ear
what I’ve heard before
but further more
at the end just after
the laughter
so swiftly so succinctly
ends in that two-heartbeat
phrase
can’t mend it
prefaced by the usual
the perfunctory
the sorry
don’t feel bad
don’t be sad
I’m still glad
because it was
so nice
to have
almost
met you.
TODAY – March 15, 2011
Today
you are old
I met you
so far
enjoyed you
knowing you
getting to know
each other
better.
Today
when you are done
we’ll linger in after-glow
readying for
next course
delicious meal
looking ahead
looking forward to . . .
Today
of the future
thank you
for stopping by my imagination
enjoy browsing my mind
so far away sometimes
but now
you arrived.
Today
you are new
must be some new word
to describe this
that explains
pleasures
to be found
experiences
to be explored
I want to pierce you
like ripened fruit
devour every morsel
every drop
missing nothing
of this day
enjoying all
of you.
Today
you are old
we can agree
on different pages
you ‘n me
on many issues
thoughts rolling
out
lapping waves
ebbing
flowing
like life’s
assumptions
jumping to
no conclusion
no unexpected
consequence
this day
arrived
while I slept.
HIGH POINTS – March 14, 2011
Try calling
late afternoon
or evening
only an hour
promise
more available after
just returned greeter
my house
around the block
from the pond
in the photos
at the corner
of my street
hour's up.
TRAIN OF THOUGHT – March 13, 2011
Again
your pain is your gain
again
don’t complain
of love’s wane
for which we train
comes back again
don’t complain
there is always some pain
life and love are like a train
loaded again
heavy again
inevitable pain
some endurable pain
to start again
once rolling again
nearly impossible to sustain
or stop that train
when so much is so good again.
TELL ME – March 12, 2011
Tell me about your passion
what you put there
on life’s canvas
tell me why
tell me
what does it do for you
how does it feel when you
create
tell me if you fly
a moth
or butterfly
wings still wet
will you flit
to me
or fly
right on by?
TRYING – March 11, 2011
It’s choice
for both
not imbedded
in cells
can’t we
just try
just choose
to separate
loving acts
from
lovely pleasure
be clear
be fair
want lots
of both
should one drive
then the other
just follow
can't we
have both
find both
enjoy both
for both?
ROUND ABOUT NOW – March 10, 2011
Risk
at every turn
danger to get out
danger to stay in
problems
like traffic circles
go round
and round
scarcely time
for lane change
no corner of
refuge
it is round
without
corners
always turning
always
learning.
SLEEP THYME SPICE TIME – March 9, 2011
Deep
sleep
snoring
or just dozing
curled up
not waking
ready
for anything
asleep
easily
in a chair or a couch
on a bed or in a lap
I’ll take a nap
need not be
long or stretched out
but best rest is when
my brain does its best work
while I’m not wakin’
without notice or leave
I fall asleep against a post
or on someone’s sleeve
but now I’m up again
when it’s time to doze
who knows
how spicy
those dreams will be
so
what thyme it is?
I AM SEPARATE FROM YOU – March 8, 2011
If you poke me and
I poke you
knowing will happen and
knowledge will grow
but I don’t know
who I am
any more than you know
who you are
but there can be more
when we let it happen
our walls
curtains
and towels
fall to floor
without barriers
we can figure out
together
so there we go
life loaded
like a myth
ready to be
exploded.
KULA DREAM MY – March 7, 2011
Before first chirp
before first bird squawk
first light creep over peak
beauty of scene
overtaken by
beauty of experience
my dream
waking there
every morning
to magnificent sights
sounds
feeling
so connected
to universe
to place
at same moment
but I can go there
in my head
anytime
I wake
middle of night
it borders on
indescribable
capture feelings
that go with that
experience
to put n words
what it was like
to be
there.
WE NEED THAT – March 6, 2011
In whole or in large part
from those we call friend
just easier
simpler somehow
because
it is really about integrity
on any level
most significant people in my life
ones who mattered most
had greatest influence on me
were those who got it
being real
honest
being ourselves
being truthful
such simple concepts
subtle nuance
stating something
exactly as it is
rather than
approximately how it is
matters
to such a large degree
I can’t describe it here
in a few words or in so many pages
it just
is
you know
it
when you see
it
words or gesture or
in form of warmth
kindness
or a disclosure
sometimes it’s a smartypants approach
sometimes even lighter
you
just know
we
need
that.
EXCELLENCE COMES – March 5, 2011
Lessons of ordinary
everywhere
littered landscape
excellence teaches more
than mediocrity could ever dream
this day’s routine begins
same
easy
comfortable
things I don’t examine
maybe I should
set course for new adventure
a new product
service
easy on the brain
to do things
because they work
because premise proven before
more stimulating
develop something
unique
in its own right
melding intimate knowledge
in a collaborative cauldron
perfect equation
preparation
for success
or for falling short
is where real work is done
real foundation laid
most important investment made
brain cells doing their job
get it ‘really right’
as opposed to ‘close enough’
excellence comes from
doing ordinary things extraordinarily well
not any single act
but a habit
gradual result of trying to do better
in details and borne of study
preparation and its
most critical ingredient
action.
STAYING CONNECTED – March 4, 2011
No words left some days
we face scary
face exciting
but for many
some days go the other way
not to get you down
but
get thoughtful
about those
who start their day
with shakes and chills and deepest kind of down
we are all but a step or two
away from where they are today
consider our roles reversed
that we are they
they are we
in so many ways
easy to judge
path of those on the other side
of some great divide
but really
aren’t we all linked in one big chain
only as strong
as our weakest links.
VANTAGE POINT – March 3, 2011
See a world
through these eyes
from here
looking out
world comes
into focus
from here
like fuel
to a frosty engine
doesn’t come
from dreams
soft touches or
wild rides
so I wonder
do I have to travel
to explore new ideas
new ways of
seeing my landscape
of issues?
SAILING ALONG, ALONE – March 2, 2011
Aye
eye
witness
I witness
witness I am
witness
just witness
you
witness my eye
witnessing you
eye
aye.
WINTER BE GONE – March 1, 2011
Winter winds
don’t quit
when snow piles up
and road ruts
get polished
but it would be
good to see
this winter
abolished.
HOLES – February 28, 2011
I thought they would be
simple and round
but none found ‘round here
unguarded ones
you might fall in to it
the hole you know
that kind in the middle
in the center
like a donut
not shallow
most likely and empty space
and dark
definitely dark
leading somewhere
certainly down
depth
unknown.
EVENING FADE – February 27, 2011
Sets the sun
any day
every day
day is done
same way
as sun
sets it
puts the
day away
but never
sets on
the dream
that will
not
die.
BEGINNING, AGAIN – February 26, 2011
Again
beginning
starting over
easier
probably
to start
fresh
with someone
fresh
than to do repair
with those who care and know us
easier
not
always better
just
easier.
LEFT COLD – February 25, 2011
At end of day
before next one begins
is the cold
a circular function
we turn toward
or away from
absence of heat
empty of warmth
it shocks
splashes our face
on days when
we’ve turned
the right tap
instead of
the left.
KICKING IT- February 24, 2011
When frustration
bubbles up or boils over
you can kick the cat
if you have a cat
but if you lack fondness for cats
you could kick your own backside
tricky to do on icy paths
so kicking a snow bank
or pebble down the road
will have to do for you.
FITTING – February 23, 2011
Excitement and
disappointment
fit
yin yang like
fitted parts
of a whole
up-tick
down-beat
moment to moment days
hear-skip beats
beats all.
A FEW COINS LEFT OVER – February 22, 2011
Left over
handed back
from a purchase
just a little money
left over change
in my pocket
like change in my life
often jangling around
not making much difference
no big purchases possible
no massive events likely
that’s not how life works
we make a little change
without making much noise
just one little change
at a time.
EASIER – February 21, 2011
To find fault
with any thing or any one
is easy
if finding fault is what we want to do but
finding love
in any thing or anyone is sometimes the
easier thing
to do.
LONG AFTER NOON LETTER – February 20, 2011
Comes this quiet
and with quiet
comes peacefulness
found it yesterday
starkly
clearly
sunny
after noon
outside looking
inward thinking
in silence
the silence spoke to me
well
it didn’t really
I listened hard
didn’t really hear anything . . .
bit in my thinking
between
naps and chores
I invested time
writing a letter
a long letter
something I’ve not done
in a long while.
DON’T GIVE ME HALF – February 19, 2011
Half is fair
just half
if dividing life
or splitting up
but half is
never enough
half-baked
half-hearted
half-measures
half-way
half is hardly started
I don’t know
or understand
half-speed or half-time
but I know I won’t have
half-a-loaf or half-anything
unless
all I want
is half-a-life
so go ahead
please
fill my cup
just half
fair enough
but be sure
fill the top half
I want it all
full
overflowing
endless
don’t care if I get wet
or bruised or weary
along my way
because when you’ve had
gold standard
looking forward
looking up
the only goal
must be
platinum.
FULL DAY – February 18, 2011
Exhilaration
acceleration
expectation
innovation
appreciation
exhaustion
feet up
elevation
sleep.
READY FOR ANYTHING – February 17, 2011
Assumptions about
what comes first
what comes next
make little sense
when you consider
what comes next
wasn’t on the horizon
last year or last month or
as recently as this morning
which means
assuming
anything
offers a rigid view of the world
or particular facts
being considered
when reality of life
daily
is that
nothing should be assumed
nothing should be taken for granted
nothing should be expected
unless
promises have been made
in which case
we have twinned emotions
anxiety and disappointment
poised
at the ready
ready to go.
DIRECTNESS – February 16, 2011
Frankness
as an idea
rarely exceeds
expectations
in fact it
falls short
along with
making people
uncomfortable
it does
quite
frankly.
BIG PANTS – February 15, 2011
Letting people in and out
of our lives
like altering waist bands on pants
you can let them out or take them in
but once you have taken them in
a time or two
tightened their girth
taken out the slack
too little fabric left
for letting out again
if we can’t or won’t
expand again
there is no room again
for taking in or
letting out
again.
CARRYING ON – February 14, 2011
I carry on
I can
I carry on
that’s what you do
I carry on
I believe in me
and
I believe in thee
whoever thee
might be
someone
out
there
for me.
TODAY AND TOMORROW – February 13, 2011
That which
did not destroy me
yesterday
might destroy me today
that which
I did not learn
yesterday
I can learn today
that which
I did not teach
yesterday
I can teach today
that which
I did not learn today
I can learn
tomorrow
that which
I did not teach today
I can teach
tomorrow
all I need
is
today
and
tomorrow.
YOU KNOW- February 12, 2011
You know
I just woke up to reality
just woke
I did
eyes bleary
can’t see very clearly
I know now
what I must do
to lose or win
at anythin’
so simple
these truths
eat when hungry
sleep when tired
play each day
laugh when happy
cry when sad
talk
listen
that’s all it takes
you know.
ALL HANDS – February 11, 2011
All dealt
hand to play
but what
is a hand anyway?
some might say
thumb and
four fingers
utility and purpose
but little meaning
some might
disagree
believing
hands on
hands off
hands up
has a big hand
in everything
hands down.
GETTING IT – February 10, 2011
Getting it right or wrong is neither good or bad bears no relevance to getting it or not getting it understanding meaning feeling do not fit right or wrong good or bad cannot be reached by turning left or right or not somewhere there is a moment when touch and gaze amaze then you’ve got it question remains whether or not to try to hold onto it or not.
DEPENDS – February 9, 2011
It depends upon
so much
seems to
continue
forever
endless loop
but
for a while
it seems
we keep it going
in the end
we all depend
on certainty
life has ends
like rope ends
like shoelaces
dandling
just hanging
at loose ends
all depends
on what we tie
together
from those
loose
ends
before we end the way
we began
depending on
depends.
WOULD LIKE TO KNOW – February 8, 2011
More about
what makes me tick
just a lick
get better at
figuring out
what life’s about
what you are about and
what the next stranger in line
is about
if I had the time
to invest it all
with everyone.
LIVING IT – February 7, 2011
now
wow
how
wonderful today is
better than any dream of future I had
before
now
wow
future
here
now
wow
BAR SET HIGH, VERY HIGH- January 6, 2011
Her hair was soft
her heart was clear
her smile lit rooms
late last year
still does
I suppose
but I’m not in
those rooms any more
memory serves fine
when thoughts aren’t clear
she made me laugh
smiled so wide
so could you try
would you please
someone new
I’ve not yet met
could you
would you
light up my life
that way?
better still
let me be clear
make me so happy
I forget all of that
my dear.
LEAD THE WAY – February 5, 2011
I thought my action would
trigger reaction which it did
but not the kind I expected
just the same
it was a worthy try
to inspire someone
in some way
even though
they took it
a completely different way
that’s the way
things go.
WHAT GOES AROUND – February 4, 2011
Life is a circle because
what is wanted is not what is needed
what is needed is not what is deserved
what is deserved is not what is delivered
what is delivered is not what is expected
what is expected is not what is wanted
so, you see
life is a circle.
THAW – February 3, 2011
Heat of cold argument
never harnessed
but somewhere
here
there
somewhere
in that quiet spot
between
friends
or lovers
where
careful thoughts
and warm wishes
gather
it is never
ever
chilly.
HEARTS- February 2, 2011
Together when two hearts beat cannot as one cannot walk shoes in march they another they feel their heart feel mine cannot walk their drummer shoes in not can.
EASILY – February 1, 2011
So we don’t repeat
painful moments too often
too many times
too painfully
too soon
those lessons are
easily forgot
what we said
how we felt
a while ago
this thing or that feeling
because time
distractions and
feelings
lead us
down forgetful lane
turns into foggy street or is it
empty-head avenue
searching for clear vision
or is it direction?
NO GUARANTEE – January 31, 2011
Do we or do we not
create the life we lead
with every right to choose
the right turns
the left turns and the wrong turns
in the course of relationships
sometimes feel
like department stores after holidays
everyone delivering their returns
they changed their mind
size or fit was wrong or
they simply want to
un-experience ownership
of da ‘ting and want their
money back?
UNPREDICTED – January 30, 2011
They must be relatives
surprise and uncertainty
I suspect they fight
conflicted all the time
because uncertainty involves
predicting a range of possibilities
based on known facts
whereas surprise
is as random
as life.
EQUIPMENT FAILURE – January 29, 2011
If you take away something I rely on
count on and depend upon
mixture of emotions follow
how long will I be without this
missing this thing I’ve counted on?
what will I do until it is fixed or
righted or restored?
more importantly
for a moment
wondering
what it was like
or can I remember when
I was last without this thing
working as I counted on it?
something failed to work
needed repaired or
replaced or rested
made me wonder
what it was that I used to do
when this piece of equipment
wasn’t so central to my life
I depend on it
can’t live without it.
GOLD STANDARD – January 28, 2011
Asked
yes I was
yesterday
someone wanted to know
what it is
what it is that I am looking for and
what it is I am NOT looking for
in a woman
which I was quick to answer
as I explained that already
I know her
but can’t describe her as a type
or sort or category
but I know her
gone now but it seems like she was just here
her fineness still in the air
it wasn’t yesterday but it seems that way
so if another exists for me
if there could be another the same or better
what would those qualities be?
that is the question
the answer is this:
it would have to be
someone as good
or better which seems impossible
memories so fresh and so sweet
but it is possible I suppose to find
someone who comes close
though I cannot imagine myself settling for anything less
anyone less
as I search again for that someone
who comes into view
wrapped in the brand of joy I’ve known
as ‘clearly the best of life and love I’ve ever experienced’
it would be foolhardy
impossible and not likely
to expect the brand of happiness I seek to be found
in another and
oh yes
one other thing
I’d want someone as crazy about me as I was
about her
not that I want to advertise that I will now and in future
measure every woman I meet against
that gold-standard so
I won’t say it out loud to anyone
but clearly
I have no higher benchmark to compare
so that’s likely what I’ll do.
TROUBLE-ING – January 27, 2011 The trouble with trouble is because trouble by itself is not the troubling issue itself but the troubling we feel that is what I find so troubling yet when I am not troubled it is clear to see that most troubles were not troubles at all but rather just the troubling feelings of worrying about troubles that weren’t really troubles at all which when I think about it is quite troubling to the mind especially when I give in to it.
GETTING FURTHER AWAY – January 26, 2011
Waxing and waning
something the moon does in phases
getting closer
then further away
like people and clients and stuff
we see better sometimes
at a distance.
OVER HERE – January 25, 2011
On the edge of reason
this season seems long
longer than usual
winter filled
with cold
filled with wet
but not one ounce
of regret from failing to risk
failing to try and failing to care –
and in those respects I did not and
have no regret.
IF I KNEW – January 24, 2011
I would do
anything for you
whatever it took
to make you stop
and look
to see how to make things work
for you
and then I’d work on me too
but you know
it doesn’t work that way
anyway any more.
MOVING ON – January 23, 2011
Juxtaposition of positions
if there is such a thing
realignments of the alignments along my path
this issue I cannot address and sadly nothing can be done
ought to have seen more before
seen it better and sooner
yet the point of thinking and action
something gets accomplished and made better or
resolved or at least
better understood
healthy reconciliation or farewell but of course
there always is
not necessarily between the parties but at the very least
for ideas
when our heads wrestling issues into the ground
that is how to work it out
like getting over a no fault accident
between uninsured motorists
there is feeling good about not being responsible
but still we have to pay for our own damages
and sad
never turns to glad
it’s more like grudging satisfaction time
fighting grime around bathroom taps
I wipe them clean
only to find that scummy grime came back again
in a week (or was it six6?)grime back again
it’s like that
in my head
it’s a bloody crime
I can’t wipe out that grime
rid myself of what’s gone this time
what’s been done is done and gone and over and there is
such faint hope that there might as well be none
so the only sane thing to do is to move on
with resolve to avoid accidents and keep my taps
shiny.
ORG CHART CLIMB – January 22, 2011
In fullness of time
the better time
in warmer clime
out there on the heath
aspire to climb that cliff
climb that tree growing out from that cliff
climb out there
on the skinny branches of the tree growing out from that cliff
and there
rest awhile
pick the juiciest sweet fruit that grows there
and then
only then
can one feel in charge of one’s life and of all that one surveys
from that lofty perch
where the only
job description could be
branch manager,
heath cliff.
EARLY DEPARTURE – January 21, 2011
hasty handshake hello
parking lot kisses good-bye
morning arrival
and departure
airport-like
squeezed tight or
let go
minds met
bump
ride
hearts collide
coming together
then apart
fast take-off
touch and go’s
crash avoided
hard landing
bounced
gone
felt
lost
not
forgot
where do I collect
my
baggage?
LEARNING- January 20, 2011
Learning about people is an
amazing process – even more amazing
when learning about ourselves
startling sometimes
when people reach out
help us in ways we might never imagine
stranger still when those we thought might
don’t.
STRANGE COMBO – January 19, 2011
Some of this is fun
some crazy
more taste and quality
than recipe
feelings of love and caring
like my favorite sandwich
peanut butter and pickled herring
some appreciate the combo
some don’t
some think it an insult to the peanut butter
others feel for the herring
odd fits
sometimes the tastiest
for sharing.
POWERLESS POETRY – January 18, 2011
No power of its own
useless pen waste left in the ditch
evaporated savory story remnant remains
like a sauce reduction
feeling left
filled with
meaning
impressions and sometimes with truth.
GOOD-BYE AND GOOD LUCK – January 17, 2011
Feeling strong and being strong
as much about sadness and frailty
as it is about resolve and
protecting oneself and others from harm
feeling weak and vulnerable
found on the same side
of the same coin
impossible to separate
so be assured of one thing
I don't forget or give up easily
there is no time limit on changing your mind
or coming to your senses so
when you do and if you do
don't forget that I told you about this thing
and
oh yes
anudder 'ting too
don't forget that I will always love the time that went
the time we spent and girl I went with
when we were figuring out what to do
that's all
just wanted to remind you about that
in case you forgot OK
that's it
good-bye and
good luck.
GOING BACKWARD – January 16, 2011
When an old friend calls
I experience it
time travel
talking in the present
while memories of times past
happy ones
not so happy ones too
flood back
like someone using an old style slide projector
pause between cartridges for
bathroom break and popcorn
before the viewing
resumed and I’m just so glad
an old friend called.
THE DAY FLEW – January 15, 2011
The day flew away
it ran away with itself
before I noticed
had grown dark again
late afternoon wondered too
where it had gone
I wondered
what the fuss was about
because
at the end of the day
all we have
is the end of the day
then comes the night
the long lonely night
then comes
dawn
another day
arrives
newborn.
WORN CHINA – January 14, 2011
In time we become like old china
worn but not worn out
just a little broken
chipped on the edges
like expression ofthoughts
however shouted from rooftops
whispered in the middle of night
entered on a page
strong messages
reminders
of rules made
for myself
then broke them
guidelines for what was OK and
what was not
broke them for love and now
that love has broken apart
I can’t let it break me
it will always be OK
to be broke a little
just chipped on the edge
like an old plate
so hard to toss away
just because it has a chipped edge.
QUICKY SOLUTIONS – January 13, 2011
Speed
and haste
invade most hours
most days
most ways I know
yet
what anxiety does for productivity
is usually reversed by diminished quality
from overlooked oversight
or maybe just overdone-ness
for work or for play
there is rarely anything brief
any way clear
or remotely close
to best
when we do it
in a hurry
when all we get
is hastily-done-ness.
LIES ARE LIES - January 12, 2011
Lies are lies
regardless their size
truth illuminates who they are
their impact
on the ‘one who was lied to’
no less important but different
questions erupt
the answer is simple
it ain’t about you
you get to choose to live and deal and heal
with honesty issues
yourself
in your way
for you
I know this stuff
been there
before
more than twice and my advice
however hard this might be
stand firm
there is no room for that in your life
live your life without that deception
without that deceptive person which
probably means you have to live your life
without that person in it
it hurts
it agonizes
not the deed
not the lame apologies and rationalizations
or struggling to figure it out
what hurts
is grieving the loss of expectations
letting go of how things might have been
to focus on what lies ahead
without lies
without ties
just for self
by yourself
for yourself.
BENEATHMY SURFACE – January 11, 2011
This process
of making ourselves feel bad
is good because it is not too bad or deeply felt
actually
we like to forgive ourselves
more easily
than others might
truth is
over time
forgiveness doesn’t go very deep
reality of what we do goes deeper
darker
penetrates more than superficial blows we strike
or sustain.
AGELESS STRUGGLE – January 10, 2011
Tension
and conflict of
people and peoples
struggling
battling each other
as old as mankind’s horror
the waste
the futility
uselessness of things
so minor that the
Hatfields and McCoys
wouldn’t have bothered
all reflections
in real terms
of conflicts within us
ones that stand between what we say
what we fear and what we really do
or avoid.
WHILE WIND BLEW – January 9, 2011
Paper filled with
ill-reported news
editorials too
daily habit or chore
but weekend version
is sweet conversion
idle ink stained hands pleasure
once more
time for laughing and chores between sections
periods of chat marked the shifts
epochs of silence awash in deep thought
or idle amusement
between invasive questions and after each
next page
next section
mix of anodyne numbness
and clarity’s calm.
TOE JAM – January 8, 2011
Time to put toe
in the water
where mood flows
like rivers do
fast in summer
slow in winter
ice jammed
in spring
log jammed
in autumn.
WHERE IS IT?- January 7, 2011
I see
like a blind man
searching with both hands
and fingers
thoughts and ideas
hopes and dreams
in my constant night
I reach out to grasp what is not there
in the early morning din I wander about
in search of it and it is nowhere to be found
still I wander bumping into noon
then dinner table and evening times
colliding with the whole day through
I am not lost
but I haven’t yet found my way
here I am
midway slightly lost and disoriented
dazed
confused
not knowing which way to go
not knowing which ways is forward
or up or down or which is back again
I am weary of it a bit
but thirst for it like drink for a desert wanderer
hunger for it like a starving man
dream of it
craving blissful sleep
where is it
where is it
where is it
I know it was here
I had it just a while ago
right here in the palm of my hand
then like a wispy spiral wind on a hot summer day
it vanished
then reappeared
over there
then back here again
then gone again
now
where is it?
FILED AWAY – January 6, 2011
Solving a problem
never logical like math
not governed by science laws
rooted in communication and ideas
because
if it is not
then correct solutions will never feel correct
no matter how far or wide we wander
searching
we will not find them listed under A for accuracy or
P for purity but rather
under U for understanding or
under N for not understanding.
EMOTIONS LOST, AND FOUND – January 5, 2011
It seems to me
feelings are light fuzzy things
they live on surfaces
first line of defense
on the surface like fuzzy arm hair
emotions live deeper
in the middle somewhere
deep like the spot behind the cushion
and down the back of the easy chair
harder to reach
easier to protect
deep inside hidden away
like the crumbs that finds their way
deep in that old chair or couch
along with loose change
and kids tiny lost toys
hidden fears
and joys.
EBB AND FLOW – January 4, 2011
If there is nothing else
there will come
understanding of what makes us
moves us
shakes us
or shakes us up
and what made me or moves me
never ceases to perplex me
yet
what made you
I neither know or understand
and in time there will
I hope
be understanding.
WHERE AND HOW? – January 3, 2011
We can’t forget them or
lose sight of them
even if we feel so
far removed from them
there will always be light and laughter
again
sooner than we might think
but what do where and how
do we park the joys and highs
when those lows and blows
come along
how do we manage
to not lose that mood
and incredible feeling
when clouds fill the
sky?
WINTER AFTERNOON – January 2, 2011
Eating Turtles and lazy times
reading papers
drinking coffee
winter afternoon
fireplace heating up
listening to music
reading old papers and new magazines
doing Sudoku puzzles in favor of crosswords
a happy day here
where cross words are foreign and both
the quiet and the sound prove that
love is all around
playing songs and waiting
for just the right moment
just the right movement
that’s all.
YES I CAN – January 1, 20100
Can’t
worry about tomorrow
have my hands full
with today
can’t know what will happen as consequence of
actions I’ve not yet taken
can’t react yet to
actions others have yet to take
can’t have a notion of emotion flow
from motion
when inertia kept things at rest
best test of standing still is
moving somewhere
somehow in some direction
some feeling
moved
because life isn’t lived
in can’ts
it’s lived in cans.
JUST IN TIME – December 31, 2010
At the end of a journey or rest stop of a longer one
time to pause at least
soak in a hot tub
rest in comfy familiar bed
regular pillow under head
breathing deep
do not hesitate to meditate
there is no bandage like hope
no better joy than being held close to someone you love
no time like now
no other way than this way we know
to go now
look at the time
it’s late already
or
is it early?
WHEN? – December 30, 2010
Things will never be the same again
not ever again
we’ll start when you get here
fresh and new again
when gravitation’s pull draws things close
but things don’t need it like we do
because it’s more about navigation than gravity
when wandering and wondering souls return
to find that which had been lost or left or mislaid
along the path
not a person or thing but a state of being
when now it’s found again
when soon again it will be held again
protected again
safe again
close again
like metal held by electric magnet
one which needs power
needs current
maybe needs compass too
to keep it going straight
when it strays off course
to continue to find
the way home
so I want to know:
when will you get here
when will you be here
when will things be new
when do you leave
when do you depart
when will I see you again
when will it be that you find your way
back here again?
JUST FOLKS – December 29, 2010
Just fine
my children grew
each from a simple pair of cells
now they are a beautiful pair
perceptive women
they keep me laughing
help me cope with
life’s challenges
sometimes they ask advice from me
on issues of import
sometimes they give me some
who knew
they grew
so fine
just fine
just mine
my children.
OPENING LINES – December 28, 2010
Beginnings of poems and books are
like listening to opening lines in long conversations
setting tone
telling mood
leaving clues
for something deep and gripping
something with intrigue more than drama
with mystery of curiosity as opposed to
mystery or being mysterious for its own sake
knowing always there is a many chaptered story
of joy and challenge
of pain and glory
when sunshine of a thousand tomorrows
shines through today’s storm clouds
just because
it was a dark and stormy night . . .
STARTING OVER, AGAIN – December 27, 2010
Making life out of nothing
like making a meal nothing but a
rag tag bag of odds and ends
that look like they will never mix well
until we do it
together boiled or oiled or toiled
there it is
flavor and magic in seasoning and reasoning
no better meal than dining on what
we pull together from our shelves
out of our selves for ourselves.
RELIVED - December 26, 2010
Ones we remember better than others memories kind we make and kind we remember traditions we have ones we once had much of memory is convenient we remember what we want to remember block what we don’t reality is so much of what comes and goes we don’t remember at all because it wasn’t particularly important to us at the time so our brains have conveniently spared us remembrances of those things to which no emotion was attached I know this because so much of my remembering has to do with strong feelings of joy or pain laughter or terror these are the things we remember most remember best not because they were the best events but because they are ones we best remember not always best just relived.
BONDING – December 25, 2010
No need for glue
no problem to fix a little scratch
for these times
when pain and joy get close together
simple things
emotional bondage cousins
found on the street of life and
on the floor where boundaries are walls and
ceilings fail to put a lid on it
at one moment
appropriate
the next is
an irritant of unspeakable proportion
actually not unspeakable
just unspoken about
best not debated
just as quickly
made right again
simple act of kindness covered that scratch
like a soft binding bandage
bound to be bonded
are we
destined to be
we are kind
but not perfectly
emotions mix when there is no fix for it
no problem
really
just pass by it
it will be better tomorrow
and next week
when we won’t remember.
IF THERE IS A WAY – December 24, 2010
If there is a way
I will find it
if there is a time and place to be
I’ll be there
if there is something to do
I’ll do it
if there is somewhere to stand by and wait
I’ll stand by and wait
if there is somewhere to deposit my heart and my mind
I’ll drop them off for sure
but don’t leave me out in the silence place
or out of the loop
or out some other place
because the anxiety of it
is far more easily created
than it is endured
and for what?
TRAVELLING LIGHT – December 23, 2010
No load
no burden
it’s a journey
to whisper
to shout
from rooftops about
what we live for and cry for
there are few things or people or places
who warrant this torrent
this ebb andflow of it
you know
emotions we have
feel all the way to our toes
that’s the way these things go
because love and joy
don’t come in play or pretend form
full measure only
real deal is yes or no
you know now
how I feel now
just like before
easy to carry.
TASTE THE HONEY – December 22, 2010
Each day
impact of sun and
rain (or snow) on every plant makes it grow
each day
air and some food make every critter go
each day
all the elements and shelter from them
insure that we survive
but
there are different ingredients we need
to thrive
there is so much more to being alive
than to be
worker bee
inside some hive
we come alive when we realize
the best honey is outside
far away
from the hive.
THE RUB – December 21, 2010
Nobody is off the hook unless
they are out of water
you know
because deep thinking is
to shallow thinking
what deep end of the pool is
to wading places
both requiring affinity for water and willingness
or not
to go deep
because getting together
is difficult
I know this
I know that
I don’t know with any certainty at all
how to make relationships work for the long term
because my efforts have all
failed to create sustainable solutions
so this time I want to build differently
as a contractor would
by choosing new design
for house or plane
different elevations and schematics
with alternative materials
perhaps a smaller footprint
stronger foundation structure
less storage for carried along baggage
less carbon
more air and heart
less distance
apart
across a continent
or right here
in the tub
that’s the rub
because it seems to take some courage and
flotation devices to keep things afloat
best kept under the seat
in case we need to fly over water.
SHE TOOK ME COMPLETELY BY SURPRISE – December 20, 2010
Love
of sons for fathers
something I know about and
love of daughters by fathers
I know as well as anyone
because I have two daughters and I do
but the other way ‘round
love of fathers by daughters
is something I don’t know as much about
it is normal for it
to be unconditional
and normal for it
to be complicated
somewhere between toddlerhood and adultness
between hormones and boyfriends
outrageous behavior and rebellion
landscape changed
politics of dealing with each other shifts
along the way
daughters sit in judgment
of father’s failings
or so it seems
from a father’s viewpoint
so when a Christmas card arrives
with words of love and praise
from a daughter
the one who usually avoids tender moments
it seemed
in a moment
as if something dramatic had changed and
I don’t think it was my daughter
as much as it was me
whose eyes ran wet
whose chest swelled with pride and appreciation
because now
notwithstanding distance and infrequent conversations
I feel closer than ever and I credit her
for reaching out to me
rather than other way round
so proud.
WITH HIM – December 19, 2010
Memories made every day
with everyday events
save them up
we do
like backed up data
older ones too
the father and the grandfather
each one replaced by the next one
each son
each father
so much the same
we often cannot tell them apart
except the older ones
the oldest ones are slightly smaller
holding less data
memories don’t fade much
because they made such impressions
deep
bold
fine and
mine.
HOT AND COLD – December 18, 2010
Snow flakes don’t cool my heat any more than
waves of flame warm my chill
when I’m together I am an inferno and
when I’m coming apart I get cold
sometimes it seems like I experience both
at the same time
an impossibly improbably possibility
but it holds that
just as we cannot
suck and blow at the same time
we cannot blow hot and cold at the same time either
so we need to decide which it will be or
not be.
LETS START, AGAIN – December 17, 2010
Future imagined is just candy floss for idle-mindedness not reality
it is simply hope and wishes without plans
this wishful thinking
absent reality
is daydreaming at nighttime
so what brings it into perspective
in the dark
late at night and
early in the morning
is that we need to shine light of day
illuminate
every nuance of pains
expose
cracks and fissures of irritation
before
we can make laughter full and whole
again
make it reality again for the first time.
DETAILED – December 16, 2010
Life’s large canvas of broad strokes holds
a million details
each one matters
each holds its own place in its own ways
we would be a very different painting
without every detail
just where we want it
need it to be
because if we over-paint it
we will lose sight of what was there
in the first place.
LOOKING FOR ANSWERS – December 15, 2010
It’s easy
we all do it
all our lives but
what we miss doing
in our struggle to find helpful answers
is that we rush
too soon
to issue the question
which
if we learn anything at all from Mr. Einstein
it is defining the question
that is the essence
toughest and most important of all
because it is in that act of defining it
that the answer
then
more easily
presents itself.
THUMPING – December 14, 2010
Were it not for feeling something
we would likely do little in life worth doing
so easy but so unsatisfying to sit
in neutral
neither joyous or sorrowful
like a needle on some dial
floating in the safe zone
neither losing ourselves or losing it
not thumping our chest
like triumphant gorillas either
which is
very essence of life
for a gorilla
for me.
ADIOS – December 13, 2010
Saying hello is like
saying good-bye or
so long or see you later
because things change when we are together and
when we part which suggests to me that
when we come together again
we are a little bit changed
a little bit re-arranged
somewhat like same furniture
sitting in different spots
still the same
but different too.
FIGURING IT OUT – December 12, 2010
If we knew the answers
we would always ask perfect questions
but we don’t
so would we expect
that anyone could know us well or
understand us deeply without benefit of
time and experience
knowledge learned
over time?
MOOD SHOPPING - December 11, 2010
The life in me rises and falls affected by sunshine and light or darkness and prickly from mood people and rude people faces of those I meet and some days it seems so cloudy but today was a different wonderful day indeed when kindness and service helped me served me told me showed me and sold me.
I DID IT – December 10, 2010
Thinking about
things you think about
late at night
when life seems so much simpler
crazy too
about how it could be
that I got here
from there
not so much that
I covered the distanceor
how many obstacles I conquered to do it
I wonder
how much easier
it might have been
had I not put
so many of them there
myself.
WHEN YOU SQUEEZE ME – December 9, 2010
Short or snappy
doesn’t always
equal happy
but always
when you squeeze me
you please me
brevity and levity rhyme
but still
the beginning and end need to
wrap around those middle parts
like arms do
a hug
holding snug
you please me more
when you squeeze me
more.
WHAT WE NEED – December 8, 2010
Building
with blocks
is how we learn in the sandbox or
on kindergarten floors
that’s where and when we learn it
teaches foundation building
too often forgot
later on
when we try to build something new
this lesson repeats
because you can’t build very much
of a structure
relationship or a
future
without a solid foundation
under it
and for that
you need building blocks.
IF YOU KNEW – December 7, 2010
You would probably not be surprised
to know what I’ve realized
recognized
is that we
don’t talk much
about some issues
especially deep ones
of the heart much
but we will
much.
SEE IT ALL - December 6, 2010 To measure distance between seems to fluctuate not the natural ebb flow ebbing flowing retreating advancing thrust parry step back watch ourselves witnesses perhaps or the flies on our own walls trying to see everything digesting little bits big picture out of focus can’t see it all can’t begin to imagine when or how we might see it all.
SOME TIMES IN THE KITCHEN – December 5, 2010
Some combos
magic make
some not
oil and vinegar
as opposed to oil and water
blend well
taste great experiments
yield fabulous meals
mixed with love
using both hands
some things whisk well
part science
part guess
like toasted sandwiches of
pickled herring and peanut butter
for some
an acquired taste
trying new food groups
like trying new people
not everyone is for everyone
fun to experiment
always
like mixing grated apple
onion and garlic
blended
dijon and great jam with
cinnamon and other dashes
seasoned creatively
served warm
smothering our pork chops
other ingredients mix well too
savory thoughts and delicious treats
sometimes in a bowl
get together
sometimes in a pan
mix creatively
use your hands
toss away recipe
use your guess-cipe
you might just capture magic
or make it while you are playing
in the kitchen.
HASTY PRICING – December 4, 2010
Time taken to solve a problem
usually far exceeds time taken
to create it
which would suggest that
procrastination combined with
pursuit of excellence
in the first instance
is superior to the posterior view
when we are wearier which
in itself is small when compared
to the cost of being prepared
for doing nothing in the first place
before anything
costs anybody
anything
at all.
TAKING STOCK- December 3, 2010
Important stuff
much commonality
soup making is like
friend making
slices
dices
pieces and
spices
bits and bites
making stock
taking stock
basis for all
no recipe secret
before brewed or stewed
stock making
taking stock
they’re made
that’s the stuff
the important stuff.
SEASON’S GREETINGS – December 2, 2010
Congenial seems to be
desirable way
for you
for me
to be
like minded
harmonious
in our tastes
disposition
way of being
but it seems
we are mostly not that at all
in a world of competitive people and competing issues
where we praise largess
ignore menial
we praise things
not values
we bow to strength
not wisdom
seems to me
we are anything but
congenial.
BEFORE OR FIVE – December 1, 2010
We don’t need to be four or five
to be alive
because it is through trying life
with child-mind enthusiasm
that we learn how to do it
contrary to a view I got from
someone who wrote me
to advise that change
is only good if small
measurable and proven
which makes me wonder
if he was ever five
if he ever had a dream
if he ever wanted to try something
just to see what it might be like
to feel different and be different
to see life and our world from a different perspective
as much as I see my life as diverse eclectic collage of
sparks and clever folk and proud accomplishments
there is really only one label that properly fits my life
tame and close to home
because I’ve not adventured very far from norms or